June 1: Blasts from the Past - March

Here are the previously unreleased answers for March. Good stuff here.

Seppuku

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/mar-2-there-has-to-be-more-efficient.html

New Answer:

You are a Samurai, and you have been fighting for 3 months, and now suddenly you fear pain? Wow. That must be combat fatigue.
If I were that afraid of pain, I wouldn't be fighting in the first place.
But you are there, surrounded by the enemy. Why quit now? You say you have a sword, so fight to the death. Take some of the basket cases with you. That is honorable way.


Communist Chicken

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/mar-4-new-twist-on-old-favorite.html

New Answer:

to find out what happened to his comrades when they walked into a KFC?


Sans Pants

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/you-walk-into-meeting-with-10-of-your.html

New Answer:

Sir global warming is slowly destroying our world, I for once have developed a new plan to help our world survive. We'll cut back on plastic bags by recycling our pants and turn them into bags to help keep our environment safe, and save the world from global warming. Though I accidentally left my bag at home, so...who's with me


Field of Something

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/mar-9-i-dont-care-what-voice-says-i.html

New Answers:

There are basically 2 answers to your questions.
Ans1 The Elves will lead to a special work station of Santa and your greatest gift will be meeting the Santa.
Ans 2 Elves will lead to the destruction of earth by the hands of the King of Elves a per the alosha trilogy by Christopher Pike. Read it up good one it is. In person you have to stand by Alosha (who is a fairy but forgotten her power) and help her save the world.
Good isint it

I go to the store and buy a box of cookies, I find out that there is not actually 1000 chips in every bag, even microscopically. I sue the company. I win the lawsuit. I become rich. I start my own cookie factory. I get elected president. I outlaw black people and french people. I get assassinated for being racist. I come back as the reincarnation of Billy Mays.


Bear Attack

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/mar-11-this-actually-happened-to-buddy.html

New Answers:

This possibility is actually covered by the rules of golf. The bear would and is considered an "outside agency" and therefor you get relief from such a situation, be it a bird, fox, deer, etc. These golfers are pretty smart and they thought of everything, Good luck.

Well, even if the ball went in, that gets you out of buying a round of drinks at the clubhouse.

For you or the bear?

What hole is it?


Slang

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/mar-12-hopefully-none-of-these-will.html

New Answers:

go to australia and u will know.

kimchin
a persons double chin
hey, mad that fat guy over there has a massive kimchin.


Carmen San Diego

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/where-in-world-is-carmen-sandiego-yahoo.html

New Answers:

She's hiding in the cupboard under my stairs. I feed her pretzels.

Well...
she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina,
She's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize,
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China,
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Steal their Seoul in South Korea, make Antarctica cry Uncle,
From the Red Sea to Greenland they'll be singing the blues,
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle,
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
She go from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,
Chicago to Czechoslovakia and back!
Well she'll ransack Pakistan and run a scam in Scandinavia,
Then she'll stick 'em up Down Under and go pick-pocket Perth,
She put the Miss in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima,
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Oh tell me where in the world is... Oh tell me where can she be?
Ooh, Botswana to Thailand, Milan via Amsterdam,
Mali to Bali, Ohio, Oahu...!
Well she glides around the globe and she'll flimflam every nation,
She's a double-dealing diva with a taste for thievery,
Her itinerary's loaded up with moving violations,
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
THERE in the world is Carmen Sandiego!


Mulan Rock

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/mar-16-id-go-with-my-lucky-cricket.html

New Answers:

hi you throw your hand out for a refund.

My cat xD get em kittyyyyyy!!! :D

whoever let them play at this concert

throw the shoe like the George Bush incident,
i`m just kidding if you`re a Bush fan but really i would throw a shoe

People will try to deal you a bad hand over and over in this game
of life. Do some research. Investigate all deals you get involved in.
Communicate with the other party, let them know your needs.
Example, you go for a hair cut on your lunch hour. You tell the barber you have only 35 min available. He can say it won't work and you need to come back another time. But if you don't tell him, he may get you started late and cause you to be late for work. You will
be fuming - but you could have avoided it. Many things in life can be worked out or turned into problems depending on our communications skills. In this case throwing something at the band got you nothing. I imagine you could have saved a good bit of cash if you realized how bad they are.

you are supposed to throw shredded lettuce

A grumpy cat. No, wait, a jellyfish.

LOL mulan.
Ummmmm,
I'll throw the tank body guard next to me,
who just happens to be holding a grand piano.

3 grenades cause i was all ready pissed at them for being late with there gig kill em all lol


What the #%&@?

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/mar-19-i-dont-even-know-answer-to-this.html

New Answer:

so you show up at your mates house for a barbie and someone has lit a fire on their front lawn. everyone tries to guide you to safety out the back. the reporter from the news is already there and takes a picture of you. once you're in the safety of the backyard, you see a mosquito candle that was lit for the barbeque and in anger at the flames destroying your friends house you run up to it and blow it out, before smashing it on the ground (blow it out first so you dont start another fire heh) afterward your friend tells you how the fireman wearing the yellow belt was really hot and what a shame it was that we didnt get to try our new technique of barbequeing pancakes :( they'r so good barbequed!!

You're a yellow-belt in karate and you've just broken the world record for the most number of pancakes karate-chopped in a certain amount of time.
I have no idea why there's a candle...maybe someone just thought it would be fun to use one.


Amputation

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/you-have-very-rare-disease-that.html

New Answers:

my uvula - the hanging at the back of your throat

ugh... any part but a finger or toe? can i choose an organ? like a kidney or something I don't need? my tonsils? what about a bone? I can live without a rib! lol

I wanted to cut of my ears, but my glasses will fall without them.
so umm. would you like to have my appendix instead?

2 fingers ;0

one nail of my finger


Indecent Proposal

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/mar-31-you-never-know-when-ill-take.html

New Answer:

I think that is a great idea! Once she finnishes beating the hell out of you with the angry raccoon, there is no doubt she will say yes... and just think, you two will laugh about it years later. Do it, doooo iiitttt...

May 29: Blasts from the Past

OK, so here's the plan. I'm going to do a little retooling and see if I can't remove some of the lameness that has, in my opinion, plagued many of the recent posts. Whether this will actually happen or not, well, we'll see. But I'm telling myself right now that I'm going to try. So here's what I'm going to do. Because of the way I ask and post these questions, there are answers (some of them pretty good) that end up being left out because they happen after the posting of the question has already occurred. The next few posts will be devoted to individual months. I will post the links to the relevant questions, along with the answers that didn't make it into the post the first time around. That way the material is still semi-new and I can have some time to get a little more creative. Anyhoo, that's the plan, hopefully it'll work out.

We start with February. Unfortunately for you, the account I used most early on is the one that fell victim to Yahoo's suspension. Now, when I think of suspension, I think of a temporary restriction. Apparently Yahoo defines this word a little differently, as it appears that I will never again have access to that Answers account or its history, which takes away a significant portion of the extra answers for February and, if I had to guess, a significant portion of March. So this post is not great. But it'll have to do for now.


The Mugger

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/02/these-people-would-never-survive-in-big.html

New Answer:

oh it's you i was expecting you and i see you took the bait. you better make you first hit a good one because you wont get a second.


The Poltergeist

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/02/feb-19-again-ah-i-hate-when-this.html

New Answer:

Throw an object into his path as he is walking down the stairs and place another object at the bottom. Preferably the first item is large and the second is sharp.


Witness Protection

http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/02/feb-21-personally-i-would-go-with.html

New Answers:

Dancerina Maferina

Dwight Schrute. no question.
or chuck norris.then nobody would **** with me. ever. haha

May 28: Oh, this is baaaaaa-aa-aa-a-ad.

You went running during a thunderstorm and were struck by lightning. When you regained consciousness, you were a goat. What do you do now?

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Yahoo! Answers:

I'm hungry...---.--- I'm going to find some food...oh wait a sec...what do goats eat? O.o uh oh..
(You know, it's not like you can't eat normal food just because you've turned into a goat...)

get up and run tward the ARCH
(What, did you get goatified in St. Louis? Regardless, I don't think the arch has the answers.)

Go home and hope they´ll recognize me by the clothes (they didn´t disappear, did they?) and keep me in the house and take care of me.

Freak out for a few mins, then hoping it still lightning try to get hit again!
(That would be some sight. A goat running through the streets with a lightning rod in its mouth.)

i vill eat and then **** your goat.
p.s. im russian.
(I don't have a goat. I'm not Russian.)

PANIC!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!
PANIC!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
WHAT WILL THE WORLD DO WITHOUT ME!!??!!??(jk-im not conceded)

BAAAA!!!

baa baa baa baa =] and eat

I go eat and try to produce goat milk.

Baa baa.

I'm ma look for some lady goats.

hop around like a gazelle!
(But you're a goat...)

Whatever I wanted.

I start bahhhhhing and eat clothes.

******?
(Even censored himself. How considerate.)

wait for more lightning

is my name billy?
(Well, I don't think getting struck by lightning and turning into a goat changes your name, so if your name isn't Billy now, your goat name isn't Billy either.)

I must be a really smart goat if I can type and use a PC. LoL!
(Or you're a talking goat and just dictating to someone. Way more likely.)

head butt people...eat some grass..
(In that order.)

Guess I'll eat some garbage then..

phone my agent--- I'M A GOAT THAT COULD TYPE! GET ME A TRAILER!

Get on a boat.

i must be panic and seek for mirror and yelling all out, then get fainted.
(Tragic. The transformation into a goat seems to have had a negative effect on his grammar.)

i gotta find me some **** to eat..like tires and cans and trash

Start singing ...

im going to eat some grass now....

May 27: *Jetsons Theme*

You live in the distant future. It's great. There are flying cars and lasers and robots to do your bidding. But your favorite gadget is much more obscure. What is it?

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Yahoo! Answers:

xray glasses

FRESH UNPOLLUTED AIR IN ALL PARTS OF THE GLOBE.
(That's not really a gadget...)

gadget that makes animals talk. my life would be complete if that were to happen.

yahoo answers

a wig that doesn't itch.
(Wow. That is obscure.)

My highly developed brain.
i'd be a mad scientist
(Too easy.)

an inflationary proof economic system...

Inventing a beer that will allow me to pee in different colors.
That would be soooo cool!
taste the rainbow.

the microscopic machine hooked up to my head to allow me to read minds.
(I don't think that ability is all it's cracked up to be. Then you're constantly having to hear what people really think of you. Could be an attack on the self esteem.)

A body that would morph on command, but has deep blue eagle wings typically.
Long live genetic stuff! XD

My favorite gadget can do anything! :)
(Creative.)

automatic bread heating device.
(They'll call it... the microwave.)

flying pet rocks!!!

electric toothbrush jaja

The microwave from Spy Kids! You put a little packet in there and it turns into whatever you want!

this reminds me of the movie meet the robinsons lols .. but idkk =/
(Great. Thanks for wasting pixels.)

that thing from the jetsons where you push a button to take a shower and get dressed
(I don't like this idea. On the Jetsons you just see the finished product. Can you imagine what that machine has to do to you to accomplish that task. Unpleasant to say the least.)

A point to point teleportation device. The money I make from UPS and FEDEX and USPS (and all the other worldwide carriers/post offices) would make me rich enough to buy any other material thing I'd want.
(I don't get it. Did you invent the teleportation device? If so, well done.)

I've always wanted to travel via a particle beam transporter but that not very obscure so instead I'd like a lost sock locater for finding all the lost socks the washing machine eats. It would be even better if you could shout the thing you are looking for into it e.g. pen/keys/wallet/tv remote This would help satisfy any frustration felt after having searched the whole house and your pockets at least 10 times over for the same object.

earthquake proof homes
floodproof homes
homes in the air like jetsons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A time machine, for sure.

May 26: Let us hear from someone else.

As the Yahoo community continues to supply resistance to my own questions, I was provided with a great one to use at someone else's expense. When I saw the first sentence, I knew immediately that it would be great material for a post.

Today's question provided by 'Kellyanne':

Why am i so stupid? i gave my little a cigarette because he said he just wanted to lite it and then when i game back he was smoking it im so dumb he is only 13 i should have know better i mean 17 not 14 ugh im so made at myself.

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Yahoo! Answers:

wow thats really stupid
i hope youre lying!
and knowing yahoo! answers, you probably are
(Are you suggesting that some people on Yahoo aren't who they say they are or present unrealistic, fabricated situations in their question? What an outrageous accusation!)

You need a good spanking

0mg...

Smoking is for losers.

yeah your dumb

and so you should be

Might as well give him a gun while you're at it
(Your logic is undeniable.)

Well, it's good you realize your mistake. Please don't ever do that again!

well, youre human..we all make mistakes. that doesnt make it right though i mean thats really bad but who am i to judge i do stupid **** too.

wow i cant believe u fell for that lmao

Because you didn't think it through well enough.

You are stupid that you have cigarettes to give to your little whatever. Smoking is stupid.

what the hell is he? 13 14 or 17? :\
(Who knows?)

stupid.

May I get your permission to slap you?
(Don't ask permission. Just do it.)

you are stupid because you don't know any better. you should know right from wrong.

uhh...
(Translation: Fear not, friend, for now that I am here I assure you that you are not the stupidest individual to post on this web page!)

Go to bed.

Ah, but you're just a little one, too.
But, good job. Next time, give him vodka and a hooker along with the cancer sticks. Yay, you!

That was a bad decision, but is there any point to this question?

i dont get it... a 17 year old is old enough to smoke his own cigarette lol... i thought u meant little like 6 or something..

Don't beat yourself up so much. You should look at it in a more positive light:
1) You immediately stopped him. At least I hope you did. Otherwise you just dropped two more rungs on the idiot ladder.
2) You did not give him a crack pipe.
3) You were not attacked by a a flesh eating goose.
See! It could have been a lot worse!
(Hmm... I wonder who posted this one.)

May 25: Rejected Question Day 4

So I apparently spoke too soon when I said the other day that my questions had been consistently strong recently, because I've suffered a bit of a drop in quality over the past week. However, unlike other Rejected Question Days where I openly admit that the included question were average at best, I feel that, for the most part, I was just the victim of poor response on these. I had high hopes for a couple of these, especially the last one. But I guess that's just how it goes sometimes. Four questions for you today in order of the expectations I had for them, starting from lowest expectations and going to highest.

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Question #1 (I was hoping people would catch the Celebrity Jeopardy reference. Nonetheless, it still amazed me how many people actually responded.)

$Texas

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Yahoo! Answers:

$aussie...?
(At least someone recognized the dollar sign.)

Is My Heart's Hometown :D :P
(A state is your heart's hometown. Hmm...)

I live there

where im from
born and raised
the greatest state ever!

Exactly.

Dumb old Texas.
The stars at night are dull and dim

Texas T-----Gold

I'm not sure why, but I was reminded of this:



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Question #2 (They took it a little too seriously.)

The phone rings. You answer it. You and the caller exchange standard greetings, and then you are dismayed to hear the question, "So what's up?" It's the dreaded "I just called to talk". NOO!! 30 minutes later it's still going and you are hurting. The phone should be used to accomplish things, not for chit chat. Unfortunately you've already tried every excuse to get off the phone and they've failed. The next step is shameful, but necessary: you must stage an elaborate incident, audible to the other person, that will allow you to bail on the call. After all, you don't want to hurt any feelings. What do you do?

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Yahoo! Answers:

say you have to pick someone up. Rub paper or aluminum foil against the phone say your losing them. Use a tape recorder and put it near the phone after recording someones voice. This appears as if someones calling you
(That requires way too much preparation.)

Say: **** I think my battery is going to (and then hang up).

i act like someone needs me and i say i have to go and hang up before they get a chance to stop me.

i'll say .. "look, i really have to go now.. its an emergency.. girl issues.. so i'll call you back later"
(Don't think that one's going to work for everyone. Though it would be a good way for a guy to ensure that that person never called again.)

Tell them that you are sorry that you have to go or else you will stab yourself to death... not really. Hang up and turn off your phone (if it's a cellphone) and give an excuse later on about how the phone died and you weren't at home. If it's a house phone, suddenly disconnect it and leave it like that for the next couple of hours. Come back later and plug it in.
(Your first answer was better.)

Just be polite about it and say well sorry but I gota go, then you hang up.Explaining why you have to go might lead to further interrogation. Unless if somehow if you can call your house phone( ask your roomate or sibling to call the house phone then its loud enought for the other person to hear it.) then they can hear it ring and then you say sorry I gota get that.

i'll tell the caller tat im busy and have to hung up. If he still didnt get it, i'll tell in Malay "Encik, saye tak ada masa untuk berbual sekarang ini, saya ada banyak kerja. Tolong letak telepon, ye? bye
(..........)

clang a loud pot and dump some water out loudly, then swear...
"Sorry, the dog [or you, or room mate, whatev] just knocked over the mop bucket! It's all over, I gotta go, let me call you back!" [click]
and DO NOT wait for their approval before shutting off the phone...
Other "incidents":
"Oh crap! Stove fire! talk to you later!"
Go to the front door and knock on it. "Hey, there's a cop at the door, I gotta get this, I'll txt and let you know what happens..." (an hour or more later txt this: "oh it was nothing, the neighbors a few doors down got in to a domestic fight and the fuzz was just asking questions. I'm headed to bed, night!"
"Hey, I have a souffle in the oven and it's getting time, if I don't do this right it'll fall. I'll talk to you later"
...with each of them hang up before hearing the approval of the other part.
(Sounds like you've done this a few times.)

I usually screen the calls. But if this does happen, I tell them I have to poop.

Screen your calls.

I just say something along the lines of "Well, I better get going, I have so much stuff to get done..."
(Yeah, good elaborate incident. Not vague at all.)

caller ID is a gift from the heavens...that's what I use..I'm not one for talking on the phone for long periods of time.I always say,someone is at the door or tell them you have things to do.I wouldn't of answered it.

why do you even answer the phone?

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Question #3 (Just lame.)

You are a stand-up comedian and you are struggling. Actually, that's putting it mildly. You're dying out there. Your best joke, "A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks 'Why the long face'?" was not well received. Unfortunately, you have 10 more minutes to fill. You must result to very basic observational humor. You have to fill in this blank and BS about it: What's the deal with ___________? What do you put in that blank and why?

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Yahoo! Answers:

Jonas Brothers......because i can rant on for hours

miley cyrus
its obvious why i put that.

What's the deal with people who beep their horn 2 seconds after the light turns green? If your that impatient and lack any kind of common sense that people aren't always going to step on the gas the exact moment the light turns, then install some wings on your car and fly yourself home.
(Alright, 20 seconds down. Good work.)

horses

The opposite sex. As soon as you start picking apart traits and tendencies of the opposite sex, you are bound to get some laughs,

You can pick a lighter subject, like kissing or odd bodily functions that are frowned upon, like burping, or why sneezes are considered more germ-spreading than coughs.
(Yeah, that last one's good. Nothing to liven up a bored audience like science.)

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Question #4 (I just felt like this was a solid question. Maybe I was wrong...)

You are running away to start a new life. Five minutes after departure you decide that the only right thing to do would be to sail to Istanbul. It just makes sense. In the middle of the voyage aboard the SS Stwaticrux, you get into a throwdown with the first mate, Salty, because you said that his mother had all the characteristics of a large sea bass. In the midst of your pummeling you both are thrust overboard, swallowed by a whale, and forced to stay there for 3 days. Other than the smell, which is a given, what is the worst part of this experience?

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Yahoo! Answers:

The scenery.

Some guy in there named Jonah talks to much

the fact that my life expectancy wouldn't be that high

Having to eat the whale's sloppy seconds. Ewww. Lol!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ag4Td1x_omA&feature=related
That's all I could think of while inside.
(Nothing like a home made music video to prove that some people just have way too much time on their hands.)

Going to Istanbul

The ambergris.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambergris
(Everything you've ever wanted to know about ambergris. And more!)

May 22: Blee.

Hello friends,

Today I come to you from a remote and unusual location, also known as the computer just outside of my room here at home. You see, my laptop has been occupied all day. It has, with my assistance, been trying to overcome the fact that it has become a rather expensive piece of junk. Perhaps, I go too far... It has been somewhat sluggish lately, making things like posting questions difficult, and I've spent the greater part of this day trying to correct this issue. However, as I type this it is still occupied, running one of the many scans/updates/general maintenance processes that have indeed been running for many hours now. I can not tell you how many times I have cursed the names of Microsoft and Dell today for joining forces to create this very complex piece of frustration. As a result, I will not be able to post a question this evening. Now you may say, "But you're on a computer right now! Just do it from there you lazy bum!" And I would say back to you, "Well, there are other factors involving this particular computer that do not allow me to do this. I would go into details, but really it isn't any of your concern. So mind your own business, jerk." Then you would probably get all defensive and an argument, or perhaps a fistfight, would break out (I would win). But we don't want these things to happen, so I'll just say that we'll be back up and running on Monday and we can all get on with our lives.

It streams from the hills,

OCY

May 21: I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

There's something strange in your neighborhood. Unfortunately, the Ghostbusters went out of business about 3 years ago. They now sell used cars and are totally worthless. So now that they're out of the picture, who you gonna call?

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Yahoo! Answers:

TAPS

Mi dad

Captain Planet
(Captain Planet is lame.)

My Sissy

ORKIN?
(Definitely. Have you seen those commercials? If the ORKIN man can take on those giant mutant bugs I would definitely give him a shot at a ghost.)

Ghostbusters 2

joe joe who ?
joe daddy

I gonna call ghost-bas-ta-rds
(I wasn't going to include this one originally, but I felt it necessary just so I could call him a moron. So... you are a moron.)

geek squad!

I'll call your mom

the ghost hunters
theyre on tv

the x-files people!!

the fuzz

po-po or local gangstas , then maybe ur mom OOOOOOO k jkz actually i would call ...........
(I'd go with both the po-po and the local gangstas and see if you can't catch the ghosts in the crossfire.)

your mom
(Apparently my mom is a pretty proficient ghost hunter. Cool.)

4-11 they have all the info

AUSTIN POWER OR TOMB RAIDER!
(Go with Austin Powers. If the ghosts aren't Chinese Tomb Raider will get owned.)

the ninjas

STEVEBUSTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
(That is an unnecessary amount of exclamation points. Especially for an answer that doesn't make any sense and is in no way clever.)

Obama
(Good call. He can bail out the Ghostbusters.)

Mythbusters! Don't ask me why. ;-)
Answer mine?
(Here's her question. I barely read any of it, but I thought I would include it just to illustrate how pathetic some of these questions can be:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Avd90bcnshDlYdMNCx9e_3rsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090520195717AAI1Adk)

Id call Miss Cleo... maybe she could tell me what will happen from jail so I now where to hide, run to, etc. so i can survive lol

i'm not gona call, imma post a question yahoo answers

(Administrative Comment: I am honestly shocked that Chuck Norris never made an appearance in the answers to this question.)

May 20: Apparently invisibility is only useful to criminals and creepers.

You wake up one morning and make your way to the bathroom. You go to the sink, splash some water on your face, and look into the mirror: there's nothing there. You realize now that you never saw your hands in the sink. It would appear that you turned invisible overnight. Huh. Well, you might as well take advantage of it. You don't know how long it's going to last. Just don't do anything illegal. What do you do with your new found invisibility?

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Yahoo! Answers:

Kick a- wait nothing illegal?
Never mind then.
What's the point then?

Is messing around with people in the locker rooms illegal?
(Yep. Death penalty.)

Illegal stuff. I would sneak into the ladies locker room and stuff.

that is a very hard question, because almost anything you would want to do with invisibility would be illegal...
for example, I would:
1. Rob a Bank, or 2, or 15...
2. I would go steel a car, and drive up and down the interstate going about 150, and if a cop stopped me, just get out and walk away...
3. sneak in and watch movies for free
4. be a pain in all my nemesis's ***'s
5. go smack one of my ex's in the head
6. kick several people ***'s using my new found power
Me tho, I do have one thing I would do with invisibility that isn't illegal... I would go to my girlfriends house, and sit there with her the whole time she was there...
(Does your girlfriend know you're there? Because if not I think she may prefer you do one of the other things.)

i wud go to a chocolate factory and eat a lot of milk chocolate! Yum! :D

u said nothing illegal so i will do nothing...
or save the world?
(There we go, there's some positive thinking!)

All I could think of was to steal stuff from GameStop, Borders, Barnes and Noble, and sneak into movies. Legally, I would go around school and sacktap my friends so in the middle of the hall, they just keel over in pain, grabbing their groin. Physical comedy FTFW
(That is so wrong. One day they will all find out it was you. And on that day you will suffer like you've never suffered before.)

If I were invisible, I would go watch you in your room.
(Well, there goes any chance I had at sleep tonight...)

Spy on people :D

it's my dream superpower! lol
(And yet you don't have a good answer to the question. One would think if you dreamed about it you'd have some vague idea what you would do with it.)

Lol, go and play tricks on my friends.

I would piss outside to save the 1.5 gallons of water it takes to flush
I'm all green minded and s---
(Al Gore would be so proud.)

that be sick
i would act like a ghost and say: hehe i hate u b------ to my teachers and friends and lift peoples shirt lol jk but i would do the first one

go back to sleep -- my parents will never know i skipped school.
yeah, i'm boring.
(That's the best idea I've heard yet.)

My friend pissed me off and I would scare the CRAP out of him!

spy
&& embarrass this girl i HATE! :)

i would just stay home and not wear pants, just like any other day.
(Awesome.)

id go and get a **** load of bank numbers to steal from rich people that have no need for the money.....plus id prob freak some people out. and piss off some people oi hate.

Steal stuff from stores l have always wanted since it's too much money and kiss the person l like. Oh man what a sweet power invisibility could be.

steel a pack of Five gum ffrom walmart(:

If I couldn't do anything illegal, then what would be the point? Take an invisible walk in the park? have an invisible picnic?
(Those things sound lovely.)

Go find some really cute girls to play, annoy my bro, run around and scare people

Probably steal stuff from stores.

spy on people.......haunt some of the people i hate from school :D ect...

I would love to tell you but everything i came up with was illegal one way or another. Saying that I would probably do the same things your thinking of doing.
(What exactly are you accusing me of thinking? I assure you, sir, that my intentions are noble and law-abiding.)

go somewhere, spy on ppl ;)

Kick my brother, steal his breakfast, get naked and run around everywhere until I get bored. Maybe even "get" some free food. (;
Might as well take advantage of it right? XD

i would just look as i feel now ;[
(Aww, nobody likes you... NEXT!)

1. get revenge on people I hate
2. prank my friends
3. put flour on my face and see what I look like! :D
4. act like a ghost and make scary noises
5. walk around town, follow people, stand right in front of them and stare at them for 10 min, then scream and see if they react!
5. play the piano and watch the keys look like they move by themselves!
6. Spy on people and see what they say about me behind my back!!
yea, i would have a lot of fun with being invisible! :D
(I like #5.)

OoOoO well first i would scream my head off
1.) write a letter to mom telling her i love her and that im not dead...just invisible
2.) pee in taylor swif's drink
3.) Pull down all the b------ at my schools pants down
4.) [Omitted. Not only was it illegal, it was also rather explicit.]
5.) figure out how to become visible again

Since I don't know when it will end I would try and pull a quick practical joke and then run home before it wears off. If you could do it at will then undercover spy would be cool, lol.

let me get back to you....
(Sure thing. Take your time.)

I'd be sad, I wouldn't be able to have people look at me and I could only do naughty things and my baby might be invisible if I do something naughty and then my husband might turn invisible.
And then it'll be usless trying to brush my teeth put make up on dying my hair even stealing anything unless I could change back. D:
(OK, first: When did invisibility become contagious? Second: Dying your hair? Do you know what 'invisible' means?)

lol this is a good question
ok so i would play pranks on my mortal enemy (a weirdo in my class)
of course i'd spy on people
omg i just remembered that i wrote a story about this in 2nd grade
oh one prank that i would do is like make farting sounds (lol i know im immature)
omg theres so many possibilities.... :)
*Source*: my magical and majestic mind
(You used 'omg' one too many times to justify employing those adjectives in describing your mind.)

star for you! lol
i like this question...
hmmm. if i only had like an hour, i would probably just stay home and freak my parents out or something. kinda lame but i wouldnt want to be out doing something and hav my powers taken away! that would suck! lol
but if it was for like a day..... i would go to school and like do all kinds of crazy stuff. i would put like porn on all the tvs. i would get on the intercom and say random things. id go into class rooms and start flickering light. just messing with people u know??
mayyyynnneee. that would be sweet!

(Administrative Comment: In retrospect, it was a little unfair of me to include that any activity must be legal. This stipulation wasn't really adhered to, but I think it did provide some variety, so I suppose it was a good thing. But you see, it would be impossible to go out in public in this scenario and not be in violation of the law. Clothing could still be seen, so to achieve true invisibility one would have to be in the buff. As I understand it, nudity of this nature is frowned upon outside of a few select locations. Something about public indecency... But, yeah, small logical flaw in the question. Not a big deal, but I thought I'd point it out.)

(Administrative Comment #2: It's been a really long time since I put in an administrative comment. So here's another one just for kicks.)

May 19: You'll never guess what book I just finished reading...

You are a farmer. One night, you observe that all 50 of your animals have gathered in the barn and are singing a song of rebellion that mentions your death several times. What are your thoughts?

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Yahoo! Answers:

run like hell........................

fire up the BBQ...invite the neighbors...we're having steaks.

my thoughts are
OMG SINGING FARM ANIMALS

Not possible. You'd have to really try to believe in fairy tales then.
I believe in fact, not fiction.
(You're telling me it's not possible, and yet there they are singing. You should really open your mind and accept that your animals are plotting against you.)

"RUN ***** RUUUUUUUN"

Interesting. I'd send them to the slaughterhouse first.
I put the laughter in slaughter.

It's time to get the gun out.

Doesnt matter because tomorrow they are my dinner :D

i'll get the shotgun

Next day I would have a bbq for the whole town

who drugged me? would be my first thought
or wow what a crazy dream
(...and then, 'oh, I just got killed by two pigs and a chicken.')

Barbecue time

Get a rope.
(Seems a little drastic. You could just run away. Or be a man and go down fighting.)

I am eating well tomorrow, better get my gun...
(All you people talking about eating and barbecues, I hope you like the taste of horse. Not every farm animal is good eatin'.)

Hire security....or sell them all off the next morning and make some money off of them....
I scare easily...so I'd get rid of them. Fast.
(You mean a large number of homicidal talking animals scares you? Wimp.)

Tell them that they are singing out of key!
"Lets start at E minor! and sing with our mouths......well beaks and snouts....."
(Actually, cows have beautiful singing voices.)

umm i would be like s--- then drive off to my moms house coz she can protect me coz shes my mom and moms can do anything lol
(Amen.)

Id be scared. First of all, I wouldnt be a BAD farmer!
Why would they plot such a thing?!
(They're Commies.)

Um wow, the cows have a higher range then i thought!!
(See? I told you.)

first i'd be like "wtf?"
then i would run like hell.
or possibly run like hell to go grab a shotgun. ;]

My first thought: WTF?!
(What a sad life you must lead.)

HAHAHAHAHH.
Sing along, of course!

the aliens are here

Not again.

MY ANIMALS CAN SING!? :D

May 18: I told you I'd have it done by Monday...

A little something special for you on this Monday. A couple notes before you venture down to the videos:

- My post was a little too much for YouTube, so I had to split it into two videos. When I watched it, the first one wouldn't load all the way, but was still watchable if you skipped ahead. It was still in processing when I did this, so hopefully that will work itself out. If not, you can still watch it all. Fight for it!

- I'm going to go ahead and get this out of the way. There is quite a list of people I should probably apologize to for the production and content of these videos:
Billy Corgan
People who like Bob Dylan
Bob Dylan
Charles Dickens
People who like Coldplay
Not Coldpay
Members of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences
Cat Stevens
People who look like Cat Stevens
My acquaintance
Spiderman/Peter Parker
Superman/Clark Kent
Lex Luthor
Accounting professors
Citizens of New York City
Citizens of Metropolis
People who really, really enjoy breathing
You

OK, I think that covers it. Hopefully I haven't left anyone out. Enjoy!

May 15: Yes, I suck.

Being at the very beginning of what amounts to a 3 month vacation, it is somewhat ironic that I have had very little time to devote to questions recently. Tonight would be the best example of this, as I have nothing for you. I was originally going give you a rejected question day, but I've been getting decent response recently and when I haven't, well, you don't want to waste your time with those. I do plan on making it up to you. At some point (when boredom begins to set in), I am going to recommit myself to this and see if I can't bump up the quality and quantity a little.

One thing I think you will enjoy is something I have tentatively planned for Monday. I don't want to give too much away, but it's a little bit of a change from what you're used to. You'll love it. Or maybe you won't. You may have mixed feelings towards it. Or you may hate it. I really don't care, I'm doing it anyway, because I think it'll be fun. If you hate it, I will never do it again. But it's happening Monday, and if not Monday, it will happen sometime next week. So be ready.

Let angels prostrate fall,

OCY

May 14: I would say the same thing back to them verbatim, but I would use a more mocking tone to make them see how stupid and weak their comment was.

Wow, that was a really long question title. But it is one possible answer to today's question, which was not thought up by me.

Today's question is courtesy of "-andrea-":

If someone came up to you and said "eww you eat" wat would u do? im just random. Answer?<3

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Yahoo! Answers:

ew your face

i would say "eww you're alive"
(Ah, good one.)

I'd throw a double bacon cheeseburger at them...
(Note to self: go up to people at Wendy's and say 'eww you eat'.)

yeah..YOU WANT SOME?

I would feel kinda sorry for them cause if they think that it is disgusting to eat then they got some issues to work on. We need to eat in order to survive.

YO FACE EATS!
(Burn!)

Most humans usually do eat. It helps to stay alive.
(Most of them.)

Someones said to me"Ew you eat katchup on your cheetos?"and i flipped em the bird
(They didn't deserve it. That really is nasty.)

I'd shove what I was eating down their throat and then say "eww YOU eat!"

'yeah, so i'll be alive in a week.... do you mind if i miss the funeral- lunch and all.

punch in the face!!!
(The solution to everything...)

yum yum yum

I would explain the digestive process to them using the handy chart I keep with me at all times. I would then use the metal stand I set the chart on to disembowel them on the spot.

I'd shove a burger down their throat. :)

eat!!!
...and if she were cute..... and clean....
(I'm glad you didn't finish that thought.)

nothing and continue what i am supposed to do
(But then they win! You can't let them win!)

May 13: At number 24 they just call in Jack Bauer. And you never speed again.

You're cruising along when, out of your back window, you see the dreaded red and blue lights. This would be your 23rd speeding ticket, and you've heard that at #23 they lock you in a room for half an hour with 7 angry badgers who have just finished off a Polish spy and are hungry for more. You have to get out of this ticket. The cop is the same gender as you and also happens to be a homophobe, so don't even think about trying that. You conclude that the only way to get out of it is to give an excuse for going 110 in that school zone that is so outlandish the cop will think you couldn't have made it up. How do you get out of the ticket and badger mauling?

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Yahoo! Answers:

run the cop over
(Yeah, that'll solve all your problems.)

tell them u had to pee
it worked for my mom
maybe the cop was dumb IDK

I would try telling him that I saw a crane(machinery) that was holding big boulder but the ropes were breaking through and it was going to fall on the policeman's head,so I rushed at great speed to tell him that!!!!!
I would try or else what lies in my fate,will happen!!!!!!!!!
(You were going pretty good until that last sentence there.)

Luckily your travelling with Chuck Norris in your back seat so when the cop pulls you over Chuck take the blame and fires the badgers over the border!
('Chuck Norris made me do it' would be the ultimate excuse.)

Badgers! again with the badgers..they are fairly lovable creatures that don't smell that bad ...well O.K. they stink but they are personable when not being observed.I think. Just take the dam ticket.
(What did you do to the dam?)

Tell them that your wife ran off with a cop, and you thought they were trying to bring her back, lol...!

"Officer, I just had an involuntary muscle spasm in my right leg, which caused me to unintentionally accelerate rapidly. I think it's under control now, but I'll head to the doctor straight away to make sure it won't happen again."

you don't
(Way to play along. It's been fun.)

"My grandma is dying in the hospital just down that road!" And then cry. That always helps.

cry and beg for mercy

Dump your water bottle in your lap. You really had to go!

i like that idea with water. ahhaha i heard this phrase "that guy must have stone feet" or something i don't really remember that phrase but yeah it suppose to mean your feet is heavy so you press on the pedal too much so my excuse is to put on a fake stone feet =D sorry that's what came in mind and peeing or pooping
("I apologize for the speeding officer, but as you can clearly see my feet have turned to stone. Oh no, it's quite alright. Yes sir, I will have that looked at. Thank you, you have a nice day too.")

I'd kill the cop run away to mexico and die from swine flu. not really
(Swine flu and Chuck Norris in the same question. There's probably a good Chuck Norris joke somewhere in that combo.)

bee in the gar and your allergic you were fighting it off
("Run away, your firearms are useless against them!" Oh man, what a great movie...)

just take the ticket. they cant do that badger thing anyway. it says in the bill of rights, amendment 8. no cruel or unsual punishments. also the punishment must fit the crime. that punishment would be unconstitutional. therefore you should just take the dang ticket and STOP getting them!
(Tell that to the badgers as they are slowly tearing away your flesh.)

Homosexuality or a ticket...yeah, even with all that bad stuff, just go with the ticket...
UNLESS you really ARE gay, then that changes everythnig.
(Clearly you misunderstood the question. I'm sorry I confused you. Enjoy the badgers.)

I'd say "I've gotta get to the hospital my. My Dad was in a horrible car wreck and he may not have long! I'm so sorry. I just was so worried about him" Or, "My sisters in labor and I gotta get to the hospital" Or, "Thank gawd! A man in a white van has been following me for a week and he was right behind me! I think he had a gun. He kept waving something at me. I was so scared. Thank you!" I've never got a ticket!

I'm gonna be crying and say that I have a serious emergency in the hospital like 5 hours from town. One of my family memebers is on their deathbed and i need to see them.

May 12: One day, we'll all be speaking Swiss. Or...wait, that isn't right. Maybe it's German...

Switzerland. Look at 'em over there. Being all neutral. No one can go that long without taking a side in something. You never even hear about them. They must be up to something diabolical. What twisted plot are the Swiss in the midst of?

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Yahoo! Answers:

more watches

Vegabonds they are just wait they will break soon...
I think they back-up North Korea like we didnt have swine-flu till N.Korea shot that missle and Switzerland has some of the best scienists in the world...
(This is the greatest conspiracy theory I've ever heard. Good thing it didn't work out for them. Unless of course their evil plan was to indirectly eliminate as many Egyptian pigs as they could.)

They're planning a snowball assault on Botswana. It's purely expansionist.

don't be stupid. they are the most honest country
They mind their own business never even colonizing any country.
it is the only country that does not stick its nose into others business.
if all countries would be like Switzerland , there would be no wars.
(Sorry, being stupid is kind of necessary here.)

Time travel

Nothing! Gee, you sound a little paranoid about the Swiss.
(I'm not paranoid, I'm prepared. The ignorant will be their first victims.)

They are teaching cacti to wear sombreros and kill people.
so far they have gotten nowhere... but they think they are on to something.
I told them to do it.
(Are you crazy?! Why did you do that?! Do you know what kind of damage a sombrero-wearing cactus can do?)

may be they are going to canada
(I don't think you get it...)

May 11: I think the Polish are tougher than everyone gives them credit for.

You are right at the center of an assassination plot. Unfortunately, the center is a bad place to be, as you are to target. You shouldn't have pissed off the Polish. You need to carry a weapon with you, but due to budget limitations and the current barometric pressure, you can only carry one to defend yourself against the world class polish assassins. Your options are as follows: nunchucks, 7 angry badgers, or a light saber (but you do not have the force). Which weapon do you choose and why?

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Yahoo! Answers:

light saber!!

What do you have against the Polish?
(A Polish guy once ran over and killed my guard zebra.)

isn't a nunchuck a wii controller?

Nunchucks, cuz they fit in my pocket... badgers are too big and the light saber can only work with the force.

ANGRY BADGERS!!! their teeth will eat thru anythin

Light saber fo shizzle
(Good choice. Shizzle is their best assassin. What will you use fo the others?)

angry bagers
VvvvvV
^^^^^^^
grrrrrrr

My bare hands! I laugh at your weapons and the polish.... Seriously the polish assassins? They are just as bad as the french and will surrender immediately.

I choose 1939. I destroy the Polish with a totalitarian Nazi.
(Good call.)

light saber because it's coolest and probably the most effective

Greatest question ever ...you are a god!.I would go with the badgers,for the simple fact that there's strength in numbers.And there just so dam cute.
(Did everyone hear that? A god.)

The Badgers. I could easily carry them in a burlap bag. I would need thick leather gloves to reach into the bag, but it would require no skill to use them.
Numb-Chucks are difficult to use. I once saw a guy knock himself with a pair.
And I can hurl a Badger much further than I can swing a light-saber.
Well you can throw the light-saber, but you can only do once. With the bag of Badgers I will have more ready in case I miss.
I work for the National Badger Association. We are lobbying Congress to protect your right to protect yourself with Badgers.
(You, sir, are a great public servant.)

Got to be the 7 angry badgers. That gives you seven chances to evade your would-be-assassins. While a badger is dealing with an assassin you can be heading out the back door.
Besides, they would be trained to deal with an armed human, but how many get trained in hand to badger combat?
(Only Shizzle. He's good.)

light saber. Good thing I'm best friends with Luke skywalker 'coz he'll get me out of anything =)
(Psh. Luke Skywalker is a pansy. The most useful thing he ever did outside of blowing up the Death Star was get his hand cut off. And even then he didn' t have the courtesy to die.)

nunchucks are slow and would take many hits to do good damage.
if i do not have the force the light saber would not do me much good now would it?
do the seven angry badgers. they can attack seven assassinators.

The nunchucks. Because everyone is scared of how much nun a nunchuck chucks if a nunchuck could chuck nuns.
(Great answer.)

if the grenadine doesn't taste right, you're not drinking cherry coke.
why else would you go to wisconsin and buffalo?
(Yeah... you just got whacked by a small Polish man. And no one will miss you.)

7 Angry Badgers.

The weapon I've always carried ...my walking stick
(That wasn't a choice.)

Lightsaber-Nunchucks
(That would be so awesome.)

Nothing beats an angry badger; seven in one place is like the Tsar bomb of the animal world.

The angry badgers, obviously. That will give me the ability to fight off the assassins on multiple fronts. And then once I have dispatched them I can put the badgers in my pants and pick up chicks. They will ask me if that's an angry badger in my pants or if I'm just happy to see them. And I will answer, slyly, with a knowing look in my eyes, "both."
(And then they would walk away as you quickly and painfully realize the consequences of sticking and angry badger in your pants.)

If I had the force, then lightsaber for sure, but otherwise it would have to be the angry badgers.
Then there is the difficult decision of whether to use them sparingly, or all at once...

lightsaber-nunchuck wielding badgers. 7 of them.
I may not have the force, but they sure as hell do.

I would go with the 7 badgers. I would refer to them as the Magnificent Seven and give them names of dead composers. They would be called Schubert, Brahms, Wolfgang, Johan, Chopin, Berlioz, and Pete. They could defend me from multiple simultaneous attacks.

I'm pretty sure the polish would absolutely @#$% themselves if i whipped out a light saber, it would take them days to figure out how to screw in the bulb anyways.
(It was never my intention to open up an assault on Polish people...)

May 7: Stupid Thoughts of the Day 2

For reasons that are none of your concern, I can not post a question today. That's right, none of your concern. Unless of course you are attempting to stalk me. But even then, while they may pique your interest, it's still really creepy and I wouldn't want you to know those reasons anyway. So if you're stalking me, you should stop. I'll call the cops if I ever see you again. It doesn't even matter if we run into each other by accident. The popo will be all over you like Homer Simpson on a Christmas ham. OK, now that I've used a bit of obscure ethnic slang, I have some more random thoughts for you in place of a question:

-Colby Jack is like the king of cheeses. It is far superior to anything else. If you could hear cheese talk like the guy suggested in response to yesterday's question, it would go something like this:
Other cheeses: We're cheese! Put us on your sandwiches and hamburgers!
Colby Jack: I'M COLBY JACK, I'M AWESOME!!!!
Other cheeses: Hey, we're good too! American is great melted and swiss goes quite well with pastrami!
Colby Jack: COLBY JACK AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Other cheeses: OK, you win, don't... no!!
Colby Jack: CHEESE GRATER!!!!
*high pitched screams*
(In the previous scene, 'Other cheeses' is voiced by Verne Troyer, while supplying the voice of Colby Jack is Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson.)

- If I could choose any three items to be stuck on an island with, it would be a dowel rod, a roll of duct tape, and a long book. The first two would get me off the island, and the last one would give me something to do on the trip.

- Never swat a fly off your friend's head with a hatchet. OK, that one's not me, it's Confucius. But he makes a great point. Unless of course you don't particularly care for your friend. Or maybe he's role playing with Risk pieces using only racial stereotypes.

- 6:45 AM is early.

Catch ya later.

May 6: Don't worry, you could still technically be Batman.

While playing mah jong in the lab one day, you are, through a series of unfortunate events, blasted by uber-powerful zeta radiation (twice as strong as gamma radiation, not quite the level of theta radiation). The process involves every molecule of you being ripped apart, transformed, mutated, and sautéed until you once again become whole. It's incredibly painful, but after the ordeal is over you figure there must have been some benefit, like the acquisition of a superpower. So over the next few days you do some random things to try to coax the superpower out into the open. One day it finally works, but you could not be more disappointed. You have the lamest, most unfortunate super power ever. What is it?

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Yahoo! Answers:

the power to always get top contributor in yahoo answers

The power to kill people with your Farts
HAHAHAH!!!!
(I'm assuming you would be the only one immune to them. It'd kinda suck if you weren't. Constantly living in fear of the day when you let your guard down for a moment too long...)

The power to show up at work on time.

Anything from Wonder Woman..lol

You can eat chicken with your fingers.

what the fcck.
(Listen here, 'thesexchick' (if that is your real name), let's get something straight. If you are going to curse at me in your baffled state of unexplainable confusion, you could at least have the decency to use the correct spelling and punctuation.)

Able to leap a pebble in a single bound!

the ability to file taxes on time
(Actually, there are real benefits to this. You see, by filing on time, or maybe even a little early, you...

*Several minutes later*

...and that's why a flat rate tax would be better than the current bracket system.)

flying but upside down and backwards

the power to not have any powers
(Good one.)

High level in any facebook application.
oops
forgot to rhyme
i should teach myself a lesson
put me in a box
send me off
thats my aggression
(I cried a little when I read that.)

the power of long nailss seriously break one and its over

The hero shakes his head and blinds the villain with his dandruff.
Yea, I know... EWWWW!!!
(Yeah, any superhero that could be defeated by a spill on the shampoo aisle at Wal-Mart is pretty lame.)

The power of casting invisible rays of light... that do nothing..

The power to shoot poop missiles at 100 mph.
(That would make life complicated.)

To be able to summon spaghetti with your mind
I mean, why would you need that? Unless you were hungry.

Being able to jump half a centimeter higher then before.

like the guy in epic movie. you grow chicken wings and bok like a chicken!!

The power to invariably be attracted to married and otherwise unavailable women.
(This is true... and a little sad.)

The ability to instantly grow your toe nails to any length at will.

the power to kill people with your stinky feet

X-ray vision....I can get this from my weeds.....
(I'll go ahead and assume that "weeds" was not intended to be plural.)

The Superpower that invokes "nothing".
(How long did it take you to come up with that one?)

The superpower of turning into a rock.
That's right...a rock. :)
(I don't know, Kirby can turn into a rock. And maybe you've noticed, Kirby can kick some serious butt.)

the power to melt toasters
the power to turn everything you touch into corn
(When you grab a toaster, does it turn into melted corn?)

the 100 yard shart
(I only have an educated guess at what a 'shart' is (though I'm fairly confident in that guess), but I think the poop missile guy has you beat.)

The power to change the channel with my mind. But it would save money on batteries though.
(What, are you kidding? That would be incredible. I mean, I'm on the couch, a commercial comes on, the remote's way over on the table... How many times has this happened? And it could all be solved with one simple radiation-induced superpower!)

The power to give people gas. It might be fun for a while but then you'll get sick of hearing the brttttttttt noise.

complete knowledge of how to vote correctly

the power to be able to turn off the TV with my mind.
actually, that might be pretty helpful....
(Darn right.)

The ability to perfectly recite any passage from Moby Dick.
(Then everyone would call you Ishmail, which would be a terrible name for a superhero.)

Being able to pee standing up if you are a girl
(I don't think you understand just how convenient this is. I mean, you... You know what? I've said enough.)

Killer body odor ! Anyone who gets too close to you dies.

to know when people post the same question in more than 1 category
(Oh, you got me. What are you going to do, report me? 'Cause the question's already up and I have about 1000 other screen names ready to go at a moment's notice. I will not be silenced!)

ur hair grows extreamly fast

To fart really bad.... that anyone can smell it will faint...

To stay away from Yahoo Answers

to turn to water. I could drink you then.
(I think you've got it backwards.)

The ability to rewind 8-track tapes with your mind.

The ability to drink and not get a buzz,

Being able to talk to cheese and then never being able to eat it because whenever you put it in your mouth it constantly says "Bob, I am your father"
(Wow, you can't eat the cheese and you have to live with the thought that there may be a little man named Bob living in your mouth...)

the ability to climb trees so you could be friends with the monkeys

to drink a laptop
(...and not get a buzz.)

Every time you yawn you turn a pinkish-green colour for a few minutes.

The super power is ....... the ability to write super lame questions on yahoo answers.
(Don't need that one.)

The ability to smell farts before they happen.
I just disgusted myself with that one
(It's always a good day when over 10% of the answers have to do with flatulence.)

the ability to turn invisible but only when nobody is looking...
or the ability to turn oxygen to carbon dioxide...
or even the ability to glow in the dark like a firefly... and i mean like a firefly because only your behind glows in the dark... lolz
(You just put a 'z' on the end of 'lol'... You are officially my least favorite person on the planet.)

May 5: By popular demand...

What would you do if you were the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of Raccoons? Just picture yourself in that position, three tails gracing your hat. What would you do with that kind of power?

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Yahoo! Answers:

create a royal imperial raccoon army to destroy that darned powerful lemur king
(Yes, I understand he likes to "move it, move it", which is entirely unacceptable.)

By Royal Decree, No Trashcan Left Unplundered!

Wash my food in the creek.
(Do raccoons wash their food in creeks? I mean, they eat straight out of the garbage don't they? Of course, as the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of Raccoons you can probably afford greater luxuries.)

i will do what i have to do :)

Take over the Human Race?

Smoke meth as usual
(Not as usual. Now it's Grand High Exalted Mystic Meth. I don't think I have to tell you how much that messes you up.)

Shoot you
(That doesn't seem right...)

Shoot Myself
(Ah, that's better.)

I'd give every human I didn't like, rabies.....

I'd be the ruler of some small local pests that get into your garbage...

i wood join forces with teh squirrels and attack the kiebler elves, then just kinda hang out and occasionally mess with people
(You wood do no such thing.)

sing the song
I Like to move it :P
(Actually, I think we've established that that's the lemur.)

******* AWESOME!!!! WORLD DOMINATION!!
(Whoa, now. Pull in the reigns a little. It's not like you're in control of an army of super-intelligent hamsters...
http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/02/same-thing-we-do-every-night-pinky.html)

Strike back at the humans for making all those 'coon skin caps back in the fifties by sneaking into their houses and thrashing them in their sleep.

HA HA HA HA HA
I put all the first letters of that sentence together, cause I thought it'd make a really cool word... all I got was "GHEMRR". :(
(And you're an idiot. Or in terms you can understand: AYAI.)

Conquer the world.

jump with happiness and yell out the loudest I can....
(A title you've been working toward for quite a while is it?)

vaccinate for rabies

I would make them follow me around everywhere. It would be sweet to have a mob of raccoons behind me all the time.

Cry
(That shows weakness. The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of Raccoons must show no weakness!)

then i would rule the raccoons, of course!

probably go live in a tree like every other racoon lol
(A Grand High Exalted Mystic Tree?)

take over the world (raccoons=ally)
muahahahaa!! ;)

Have an eye treatment

i'll wake up!!!!

Have all the French fries in the world!!!
(Yes!)

check into the closest mental hospital (:

(Administrative Comment: For those of you who don't have any idea what I'm talking about here (and I feel obligated to note that I myself am included in that group), I give you the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of Raccoons! *applause* *applause* *applause*











*applause* *applause* *appl- OK, you can stop now.)

(Administrative Comment #2: For those of you who care (which, admittedly, is very few of you), Arrested Development actually is the name of a rap group led by Speech. The card was right.)

May 4: Technical difficulties suck.

Well, it turns out I can't deliver on my promise of a question today due to some "technical difficulties". I know, it's upsetting, but what can you do? To make up for the loss, I've decided to share this video with you. It keeps with the theme of fairly extreme stupidity/"that was a really bad idea". Enjoy the clip, and hopefully things will be back to normal tomorrow.






And if for some reason it doesn't work (it wouldn't surprise me, I've never embedded a video before), here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_t44siFyb4