May 5: By popular demand...

What would you do if you were the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of Raccoons? Just picture yourself in that position, three tails gracing your hat. What would you do with that kind of power?

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Yahoo! Answers:

create a royal imperial raccoon army to destroy that darned powerful lemur king
(Yes, I understand he likes to "move it, move it", which is entirely unacceptable.)

By Royal Decree, No Trashcan Left Unplundered!

Wash my food in the creek.
(Do raccoons wash their food in creeks? I mean, they eat straight out of the garbage don't they? Of course, as the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of Raccoons you can probably afford greater luxuries.)

i will do what i have to do :)

Take over the Human Race?

Smoke meth as usual
(Not as usual. Now it's Grand High Exalted Mystic Meth. I don't think I have to tell you how much that messes you up.)

Shoot you
(That doesn't seem right...)

Shoot Myself
(Ah, that's better.)

I'd give every human I didn't like, rabies.....

I'd be the ruler of some small local pests that get into your garbage...

i wood join forces with teh squirrels and attack the kiebler elves, then just kinda hang out and occasionally mess with people
(You wood do no such thing.)

sing the song
I Like to move it :P
(Actually, I think we've established that that's the lemur.)

******* AWESOME!!!! WORLD DOMINATION!!
(Whoa, now. Pull in the reigns a little. It's not like you're in control of an army of super-intelligent hamsters...
http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/02/same-thing-we-do-every-night-pinky.html)

Strike back at the humans for making all those 'coon skin caps back in the fifties by sneaking into their houses and thrashing them in their sleep.

HA HA HA HA HA
I put all the first letters of that sentence together, cause I thought it'd make a really cool word... all I got was "GHEMRR". :(
(And you're an idiot. Or in terms you can understand: AYAI.)

Conquer the world.

jump with happiness and yell out the loudest I can....
(A title you've been working toward for quite a while is it?)

vaccinate for rabies

I would make them follow me around everywhere. It would be sweet to have a mob of raccoons behind me all the time.

Cry
(That shows weakness. The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of Raccoons must show no weakness!)

then i would rule the raccoons, of course!

probably go live in a tree like every other racoon lol
(A Grand High Exalted Mystic Tree?)

take over the world (raccoons=ally)
muahahahaa!! ;)

Have an eye treatment

i'll wake up!!!!

Have all the French fries in the world!!!
(Yes!)

check into the closest mental hospital (:

(Administrative Comment: For those of you who don't have any idea what I'm talking about here (and I feel obligated to note that I myself am included in that group), I give you the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of Raccoons! *applause* *applause* *applause*











*applause* *applause* *appl- OK, you can stop now.)

(Administrative Comment #2: For those of you who care (which, admittedly, is very few of you), Arrested Development actually is the name of a rap group led by Speech. The card was right.)