May 1: I'm giving myself a three day weekend. But you'll want to read this anyway.

So no question today. Don't look at me like that, I'm going to do something different for you. Ah, there's the look of excitement and anticipation I'm so used to. OK, so while I'm using this blog to achieve something that would be better suited for a normal website for the simple reason that I'm poor and can't afford any form of web hosting, millions of others are using Blogspot and other similar sites to do something that I find to be an interesting concept: share their thoughts. Really, I'm not sure why I haven't done this before. At one point I thought, "Why would a bunch of people, including quite a few I've never met and never will, want to know what I'm thinking about?" And then it occurred to me. You don't. I could die in 5 minutes from the swine flu and most of you wouldn't know or care. And yet here you are, still reading. And you will keep reading. You are a captive audience. You will read all the way through this paragraph, go through the list below, look up and say, "Cripes, I just read that entire thing! Why did I do that?" Who knows? But you will realize something. You are intrigued. "This guy knows what he's talking about", you'll say. You will bask in the glow of my wit and be marveled by my capacity to express everyday thought through the magic of the internet. Then you will come back on Monday shouting, "Tell me more O wise blog guy. I must know what you thought about today, for my thoughts are few, and the ones I have, well, they're quite boring." But you will be dissapointed, for there will be another question on Monday as I return to my normal duties. You will be sad. Perhaps devastated. But then you'll read the question, be mildly entertained and continue reading my questions in the future so I can get enough visitors to start building ad revenue, get rich, and say a big "screw you" to all you people and never post a thing again. And most of you don't know me, so you'll never find me. And those of you who do, don't worry, I'll give you a cut of the profits to appease you. Then I will purchase a guard zebra.

For those of you still reading, here are my thoughts from the day. Are you ready for this? I don't think you are. But read them anyway:

- Combining fish and fruit seems like a terrible idea (I was proven to be correct on this one.)

- Hootie and the Blowfish is a great band. They make everything better. Including silence. You've never experienced the true joys of silence until you've sat and listened as the dulcet tones of Darius Rucker and his Blowfish play muted in your iTunes.

- I hope I never fall into a cactus. That would suck.

- Are you that guy? You know who I'm talking about. The one who sits at the red light in the right lane with no one in the left lane, not to turn but to go straight. The one who's always in front of me when I want to turn right. Because if you are, I've had it about up to here with you (picture somewhere in the 6' 3" area). All I want is to get home. But I can't because you're in the way. You better hope I retain my sanity and never snap, because if I do you'll be the first one I hunt down so I can go ballistic on your sorry ignorant-to-common-automotive-traffic-courtesy self. Consider this a warning. Just get out the way. And yes, I am aware that I left the 'of' out of that last sentence. I did so to make it seem more ghetto and threatening. So you know I'm serious.

- Seether did the world a friggin' service when they covered George Michael's 1984 hit 'Careless Whisper'. It's a great example of taking a crappy 80's pop song and making it awesome. Compare the two with the links below. But before you do I give you fair warning: I didn't care to listen to the George Michael version, but the 5 seconds of its attached music video that I saw were super lame, somewhat creepy, and quite possibly leading somewhere sketch. Watch at your own risk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQtlrBziyzI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7imqO-OBVk

- Those guys on Mythbusters are horrible, horrible actors.

- It would suck to be a chicken. Always living in fear for your life as you know that you're one of the tastiest animals on God's green earth. But at the same time you long for the sweet release of death because having to sit around and pass eggs all day absolutely blows. This dilemma would go on until one day it destroyed you mentally and you became that crazy chicken that no one wants to hang out with, not even the other chickens. It would just be a soul-crushing life.

And my final thought for the day:

- Man, it's late. I really don't want to do a question tonight. Hey, I have an idea...

See you Monday.

Apr. 30: What Kind of Idiot Are You?, Part 2

What was your last great act of stupidity, the last thing you did that prompted someone to say something along the lines of "Oh, that's not a good idea" but you did it anyway, only to prove that person right?

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Yahoo! Answers:

lol Umm lol Well Mines KINDA crazy lol...I ran around the dollarstore with a red see throu thong on my head! LMAO It was a medium haha I think This was the biggest thing ive done!...NAH I doupt that.

i tried too to make a sun roof in my moms house while they where out of town it was fun banging a gigantic hole in the roof but then i got bored and didn't finish then it started to rain it looks like a meteor crashed in the house i think pieaces of my dads shoe is still is my astray.NO lie all truth i got pictures lol!

uhh, its not that funny but its pretty funny.. my step dad, i used to hate him when i was a teen, for fun and revenge and my mom knew! she warned me but didn't try to stop me... i squirted about 2 cups of dish soap in his 12 cup coffee pot and later that day he had diarrhea i did this for a whole full week and he cried caz he couldn't stop pooping in his pants in public..
(I disagree, that was quite funny. Absolutely evil, but funny.)

Bought a Samsung LCD TV.

I called a teacher dad when it was a she stupid right

i joined yahoo answers

breaking up with my GF knowing i would get back with her tomorrow
(That does seem terribly inefficient.)

Answering this question

The last time I was called stupid and told that my idea wasn't a good one, was when I decided to pack up and move half way around the world for a year...they wont be proved right, because this is the best thing I've ever done for myself
(So what you're telling me here is that you didn't answer the question. No one here wants to hear feel good stories about crazy decisions that worked out. We want injury. Extreme humiliation. Loss of limbs...)

smacking my head into a brick wall because my friend dared me on a bet in i said it would not hurt and got a migraine headache after wards

my parents told me that I should NOT go and get my GED that I would fail the test. So far I have passed everyone with all A's.
(...Unforeseen explosions. Raccoon attacks. Tears. Incidental sex change....)

Well, today when working on a project with a glue gun I put too much glue on the paper and I thought it would be fine to touch and that it wouldn't burn too bad so I tryed to pull it off and the burning goop stuck to my finger, yeah, not a smart idea.

well my last greatest act was pranking my gay teacher. but my latest was when i was joking with my friend about beating her up cuz she said that [nobody wants to know that] 2 nastiest guys in school. But then again... I don't know there might have been one today... oh when... nevermind.

ive been told not to answer this question so i did
(The 5th amendment is your friend.)

I asked if manny loves me....
*Source*: ppl love me....

with me, the question becomes "What wasn't your last great act of stupidity?"
(I can see that. Or I would be able to if that made any sense.)

My stupidity act was one that nobody other than myself was in on. I just wanted to bug the night shift receptionist who usually hassles me on stupid tiny things, so just before the rush came in and i was leaving for home, i put the chit (the thing we write up as proof of payment) in the bottom of our money box (cant see it unless you lift the lid) XD as i was leaving i saw her dashing around trying to find it. hahah! take that!
yeah, it's the small things in life lol
(I bet when she found out it was you the chit hit the fan...
I'm sorry.)

Let's just say...my stupidity caused me to spend the night in jail.
(That's the best kind of stupidity.)

Looking for my pencil when I am holding it.

well I was holding a to of food, and I have a reputation of being clumsy, T.T and going down the stairs I fall down a flight, throwing the food everywhere O_O

Putting my foot in my mouth and dancing on my tonsils. It is still there. And I paid a huge price for that piece of stupidity.

Not sure, i do it everyday day, i find it humorous!

breathing

(Administrative Comment: Did anyone else think this question was poorly worded/structured? Geez... who writes these things?)

Apr. 29: Why so serious?

So here's the deal. In my personal opinion, this question is absolutely ridiculous. I almost scare myself sometimes with some of the crap I come up with, simply because it can not be a good sign for my sanity. Even though the ultimate question here is a very simple one, I really thought that the means I used to get there would make it clear that I wasn't looking for serious responses. However, I was wrong. A little over half of these are legit answers, but we'll just have to deal with it. I mean, it's this or nothing. And I know you don't want nothing. And if you do you should let me know so I can stop spending precious time coming up with questions. OK, now that we have that out of the way:

You're cruising along the highway in your RV when you hit an old man. Terrified, you get out to see if you can help him. He definitely looks dead. You turn to get back in the RV and drive away (no one saw you... you know you'd do it), when you hear movement. It's the old man getting up. Relieved, you begin to apologize, but he interrupts you: "Sonny, I'm gonna grant you three wishes". You are really confused, but play along. Your first wish is for more wishes. He hits you with his cane and tells you that you can't do that. "Just fer that, I'm only giving you one, and it can't be anything fer yerself". What's your wish?

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Yahoo! Answers:

help!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuyG0jiAoBfmIdpqaBu3YUbsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090428214550AA51kBp
(This is a perfect example of the pathetic things you find on Answers. Though I have to say, the last guy who answered has a point.)

Nice question, I'd probably wish for world piece.
(Which piece? I hear the southern hemisphere's quite nice.)

world peace/cure for cancer
i know those are two but we can pretend its one
(No we can't. Magic old guys don't bargain.)

for my crush to like me
(Unless you are the most conceited person alive, that would be for your benefit, and therefore would violate the old man's rule. You now owe the old man a wish.)

I'd wish for every human being on the planet to be completely and totally open minded
(That's stupid and you're wrong.)

for my family and friends to be eternally happy

Proof that there is no god.

For the girl i hav a crush on to fall for me.
(See my comment above.)

i wish my dad won the lottery

for david archuleta to be my just friend...
(Who doesn't? ......... Who's David Archuleta?)

A cure for cancer, and world peace
(Two things. Sorry.)

I would wish that there would be no more suffering in the world, of any kind.

a very lucky life, bcuhz then when u play gambling, u win lots of moneyy, and when ur lucky, u can meet a lucky guy/girl, when yuhr about to fall, but u didnt bcuhz u were lucky.
(This is just a hunch, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that no amount of luck is going to do you any good. Why? Oh, I don't know... bcuhz.)

to have great realationships and love for the rest of my life

too have more love and passion from my husband.
(That's actually kind of sad.)

All I need is $120,000 to jumpstart my life.
That, or I would wish to be David Beckham so I can get the girl I want. She works in the cosmetics department at my store.
All the people wishing for "good things for others" already have good things of their own. I don't, so it's hard for me to be selfless. My life is already "selfless" by default.
(I don't even know where to begin...)

I would wish for the ability to make an impact on many peoples life in a positive way before i die.

that he would change the "one rule wish" and make it so EVERYONE can have as many wishes as they want.
(Hmmm... that may actually work. Unfortunately it's just like saying "The next sentence is a lie. The previous sentence is true" to a robot. It'll only end in zero wishes and someone's head exploding.)

it's not even a riddle, dude.

A multi-million lotto ticket for my friend who will go halvsies with me....
(Good work. There's no way I can shoot this one down.
Greedy jerk...)

i wish that you allow me to get more wishes
(*bludgeoned to death with cane* You have to be a complete fool to ask for that again.)

Apr. 28: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... PIG! SOOIE!

I'm afraid I'm going to get the swine flu and turn into a pig. Please comfort me.

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Yahoo! Answers:

Well, they slaughter pigs for food. So at least you'll die for a good cause.

Don't think that is possible, you don't have the genes for it.
(I'll have you know my genes can take on any challenge you throw at them thank you very much.)

oink oink

me too
try wearing a porkchop
around your neck...
hear it keeps
the swine flu away ..

OH NO!!!... http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/art/PigArt.jpg

It's a common condition. The group of people hit most severely with swine flu commonly refer to themselves as the "police force". Symptoms include being a complete asshole and violating civilian rights.
(Because Yahoo Answers is such a great place for assigning various unfounded stereotypes and biases to people based solely on their input, I'm going to say that you hate cops because you've been arrested 5...no, 7 times for... let's see... I'll go with... public indecency.
Freak.)

dude, you'd be the smartest pig ever. people would travel far and wide to see you do math and play piano and stuff.
and i swear, if i get arachnophobia and turn into a spider, i'll totally be your agent. i'd spin webs that say stuff like "pimp swine" and "pumba" and you'd be loved and remembered forever.
(That's sounds awesome. Who knows how many people will pay to come watch Pimp Swine do some calculus. We'll fill entire arenas!)

feel my hugs for you!!!!
(Hey! No means no.)

I've heard that's happened to a few people. but don't worry there are less severe side effects to worry about. nausea, heart burn, indigestion, upset stomach, and even diarrhea. However there's no need for fear, Pepto-Bismols here!
(I hope I can still do that cool little dance when I turn into a pig. It'll be my closing act for the people who come to see my math.)

Ah well, be a pig enjoy yourself in the mud like a pig hippy.

oinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

chill out that only happends if you [censored]
(Use your imagination.)

I have no idea why you'd call it swine flu when everyone knows that pig's can't fly!!!
(That... was... awesome.)

There, there. In your case it'd be an improvement. We'll build you a pen and then you can turn into nature's most perfect miracle food - bacon!
(To quote Homer Simpson: "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Bacon... *drooling noise*")

Pigs can lead very rewarding and wonderful lives. Just don't get trapped on an island with the Lord of the Flies boys. That might not be so much fun.
In a related vein: http://xkcd.com/574/
(If you haven't seen that XKCD you should definitely check it out.)

Aw, no way! Then go listen to Pink Floyd's Animals album! =D
(For those of you who don't listen to crappy music or progressive rock [kind of the same thing in my opinion], Pink Floyd's Animals album was loosely based on the book Animal Farm. If you don't know what Animal Farm is, look it up. I'm not explaining it to you.)

sueeeeee pig pig piggy

don't worry, you won't turn into a pig! the worst symptom is dying, silly.
(Whew. That's a relief.)

you not going to become a pig
(And you not going to college.)

i've already turned into a pig from this thing. it's kinda hard to type with these hooves and I think my neighbors are hungry for bacon

really? first of all turning into a pig, well i hope you were kidding. and only 40 people have it in the states, we have the top medical people researching this but they say there is a vaccine and keep washing your hands is the best policy right now!
(Yes. I really think I'm going to turn into a pig. Just like I really shoved an animal down the toilet and exploded from using nasal spray. And if you don't understand those references, shame on you for not reading my older questions. Go do it. Now. No, don't finish this one. Go.)

pigs are handsome. ;-)
(Are you coming on to me? Cause I don't fly that way chief.)

I don't want to cuddle you if you have already morphed.
(See previous comment. It's a shame neither one of these were females. It's OK, though. My Yahoo alter ego is secure in his masculinity.)

Sorry too late.

(Administrative Comment: If you understand why this question has that particular title, I would like to congratulate you. You are officially my favorite person ever.)

Apr. 27: For the record - Homer Simpson, Bullwinkle Moose, and Daffy Duck

You are throwing a toga party and decide to invite a few of your closest friends. You sit down to prepare the invitations when you realize that you haven't had any friends since you decided to become a nudist 2 years ago (why are you throwing a toga party?). You have to invite someone, so you're just going to take a shot and send out invites to three of your favorite animated cartoon characters (they may show). Who do you send them to and why?

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Yahoo! Answers:

generally, it's only as bad as you feel it is.
(Minus 5,000 life points.)

Do video game characters count?
(When you ask this do you seriously expect an answer?)

Spinelli from Recess- she is so boss, she can be the bouncer
Patrick star- to eat all the food, I doin't want leftovers
Pepper Ann- so I'm not the nerdiest at the party

Animated, hmm...hmm........does Richard from lfgcomic count?
(I don't know what you're talking about... so no.)

gumby is number 1 on my list

taz is cool he'll make a party and rip everyones togas off
spongebob will make everyone laugh
bob the builder will fix any problems

L from death note (he is just adorable)
Gir from 'invader zim' (he's soo stupidly funny)
aaaaaannnndddd
Mickey Mouse!!! (coz he throws the best parties!!)

Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble because they are already dressed for the party

He- Man..well
Sponge Bob..for fun
Patrick...to make fun of

Bugs Bunny
Tazmanian Devil
The Leprechaun dude
They are Saaweeheeet...and i would smoke some marijuana and laugh so hard I would pee myself.
(The Leprechaun dude? Are you sure that's a cartoon character and not just a by-product of your fiesta cannabis there?)

Wow this is a really weird question but I'd pick the Zuko guy from avatar cuz hes freakin hot(minus the eye), Homer Simpson so I won't have to deal with left over food, and Walle cuz he's the cutest garbage compacting machine in the world. I'd stay away from family guy and american dad characters cuz if I was a nudist then they wouldn't be the best people to hang with.
(You make a good point.)

I would get Patrick star, so he could clean the plates (lick em' clean)
Johny Bravo to get rid of sassy ladies (LOL)
and..... Lucy from 64 zoo lane, so we could hear some animal stories lol

BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD!

Having trouble with your essay?
(You have no idea. I still don't understand why I'm having to write a 13 page analysis of cartoon characters for Ethics in the Accounting Profession.)

Bender, Fry, and Leela from Futurama

rocko, spongebob, some of the southpark chracters, umm.. snoopy, bugs bunny.. lol.. somethin like that
(I think you need a recount. Three is the number that comes after two.)

none animation is wrong

Pepe LePew. Stimpy. Rocko (from Rocko's Modern Life)
(Pepe LePew is an interesting choice.)

the genie from aladdin....peter pan.....jessica rabbit...hehe

Well of course I send them to Spongebob Squarepants, because he's hilarious and entertaining, and Eric Cartman, because of his great sense of humor that totaly reflects my own, and who could forget Timmy Turner! (Don't tell anyone but I'm using him to get to the Odd Parents.)

Well definitely Bugs Bunny because I know he'd be the life of the party as well as the prankster partner of mine to pull off some fun capers.
Second would be Spongebob because I know I'd need a designated driver and he'd be a great counselor to the sloppy drunks that would naturally be at my party.
Last but far from least would be Meg from the Family Guy since I think even she deserves to be part of the cool crowd for at least once in her life.
(Meg? Seriously?)

i would invite stewie from the family guy so i could have an intense conversation about world domination over tea
i would invite the road runner so i could beat him sensless and break itslegs to let poor wiley coyote finally catch him
i woudl invie heman so i could take his sword and infuse myself with the power of greyskull

I would definitely send the first to Bugs Bunny because he is the funniest one and you can't have a fun party or laughs without him. Then, there is Jessica Rabbit the sexy wife of Roger Rabbit because she is well... the sexiest cartoon. Last but not least, I would invite Jerry from Tom and Jerry because he is always clever and getting himself out of trouble with the cat. If you invite these characters, trust me, you will have the BEST Toga Party EVERRRRRRRR! Please vote me!

Scooby cuz he is always the life of the party and then i would invite lois from family guy she is just a freak! with those two who knows what could happen at this party!!

Opus the penguin-because he's cool
Patrick Star(fish)-because he would be alot of fun to see after a few margaritas
Wile Coyote-for sure there would be a fireworks show (from Acme fireworks corporation of course)

(Administrative Comment: By my unofficial count, it would appear that Spongebob is the winner, with Bugs Bunny a close second. Biggest surprise: He-Man gets two votes. Didn't see that one coming.)

(Administrative Advice: If, as was referenced multiple times in these answers, you find a cartoon character to be physically attractive, please seek counseling as soon as possible.)

Apr. 24: Beware historical innacuracies.

In an odd distortion of time and history, you are captured by the invading Mongol Empire. You are taken to Genghis Khan, who threatens to torture you if you do not meet his single demand. His only instructions to you are simple. He looks down at you and says "Make me the most awesome T-shirt ever created my mankind." What do you put on the shirt to save yourself from torture?

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Yahoo! Answers:

(We'll start off with the people that ol' Genghis would have most certainly eliminated on the spot through very slow disembowelment. Everybody here's in contention for that, but these stand out as the most likely candidates.)

"The Most Awesome T-Shirt EVER!"

"this is my "awesome" t-shirt" .

"said most awesome t-shirt"

THE MOST AWESOME T-SHIRT EVER

MOST AWESOME T-SHIRT! <3
(Unfortunately for this person, Khan found out that her screen name was ♪♫ I ♥ The Jonas Brothers! ♪♫, and determined that death was to good for her. Instead he locked her in a room with no windows and played all three Lord of the Rings movies on continuous loop.)

(And now for those that...well...they at least tried.)

a stapled cookie straight from the oven.
(That wouldn't be a very appetizing cookie...)

Andy Samberg, smiling, doing a double thumbs up

"No, you may NOT touch my hair".
I would definitely get a T-shirt that said that.

i honestly have bad--- pics for t shirts but i think ur gonna steal peoples ideas but if u wanna do buissnes hit me up
(Yes, I want to make millions of dollars so I came to the 'Polls and Surveys' section for brilliant ideas.)

"No Fat Chinks"
DISCLAIMER: Not a racial slur. Rather a reflection on history involving the Mongols.

I'd just put Led Zeppelin.....
(Would you believe that Stairway to Heaven was Genghis Khan's favorite song? You would? Oh... that's a shame.)

If you can read this the Bi^%# fell off!
(Very original.)

when the gates drop the ---- stops.........wait i own that on my bmx shirt so i'll put
if your gonna capture someone you could at least be harsh to them or i'll put Kayse Was Here
(You get to go to the Lord of the Rings room too.)

Dyslexics Are Teople Poo ...
i saw that one once and thought it was hilarious

A baby picture of me,,until i read that my life was in jeopardy..
I would have the words: CAN WE ALL JUST GET ALONG
(I have no idea how that first line is supposed to make any sense.)

"Bob Saget" =D

HARLEY DAVIDSON..... OF COURSE........
(You also get the Lord of the Rings treatment, except that this is so lame, you're stuck watching only the dialogue-intensive parts with those freakin' talking trees. I'm falling asleep just thinking about it.)

"my mom thinks i'm kool!"

Don't taze me bro.

Um....It would have to have a huge exclamation mark on it. That's all I got...then on the back a question mark...haha

id put on it eat **** *** hole lol. not really i dunno maybe stick a mirror to it so he can look at his face every morning or sumthin like that, or a pic of money and chickadoos and maybe a couple of fortune cookies
(If the mirror's on his shirt... You know what, I'm not gonna go there.)

A giant smiley face with rainbows and ponies and unicorns.

Apr. 23: Hey, that's actually a quasi-legit question! What can I say? I was curious.

How would you describe color to a blind person? And none of that scientific crap either. What would you say if a guy blind from birth came up to you and said "Please describe color to me. What is it like?"

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Yahoo! Answers:

pink brown yellow orange purple red blue black... they are cool colors too bad you cant see them
(Well that's not a very tactful way to approach it.)

They are just a bunch of different EM don;t worry about it

Wow...that is very hard.
You cant say anything like.."its bright" or "dark" because they are blind so...
I guess you cant :(

I'd say, you see that color you're seeing now? *yeah*, that's the color black. And every other color is brighter than that but in different shades.
(Yes, because the blind will grasp the concept of shades.)

Give them eye surgery then show colors.
(I could be wrong, but I don't think it works like that.)

hahaha. did you know colour blind people can see colours, they just see the wrong colours. like we see blue, they see green.
but to a blind person/
colours can be bright and dark. what you see now is what we call the colour black. :)
(Whenever you want to give back the 5 seconds of my life you just took from me, that'd be great.)

Well, Stevie Wonder was at an interview once, and he was asked " What's worst then being born blind?"
His reply"Well, I could have been born black"

tell them that its like a tecture, they look different just like they feel different

Say it something used to describe what something looks like same as words like smooth, rough, wet color describes something.
-thats the best I can do, it's hard to explain without seeing it.
(Which would be the whole point of the question.)

In terms of hot and cold, stuffy and airy, soft and hard.
(For future reference, this is R.)

A great scene from the film "Mask" goes like this:
A teenage boy is describing colors to a blind girl. He has her hold out her hands and puts ice in them. "That is blue", he says. He repeats the process for red "hot".
Not sure how one would do other colors.

it is the most fantastic thing that you will NEVER,EVER experience!!!
come on people, it is the jokes section.
(And yet, surprisingly, everyone there still thinks you are the world's biggest douchebag.)

When you are mad associate that with red
loneliness -black
Envy - green
something like that i guess

I'm with R - they wouldn't know it anyway. If blind from birth they wouldn't even understand colour.
I'd be like:
Blue = wet
Yellow = warm
Red = hot
Green = grass texture
Pink = soft/squishy
Brown = wood
(I like that the only thing you could come up with for green was "grass texture".)

R said it as close as can be described. but it still would not suffice for the blind person

i have no idea.... and whatever you tell them about colors they wont get it....

It's like a flavor for your eyes.

The person who not able to recognize RGB colors.
(.... You're an idiot. There, I said it, let's move on.)

smells , say red smell like a tomatoe ,cherry , or strawberries ,
brown smells like chocolate , trash can , soil
blue blueberry frosty , blackberry cobbler , cotton perfume
white smells like clean sheets , taste like rain or ice.
black taste like licorice candy , coal , oil , gasoline ,
green , watermelon jelly rancher , kiwi , green onions , fresh grass
yellow feels like the sunlight bleeding through your clothes or skin in the winter when its soo cold but the sun warms everything up. Yellow is laughter of children.
White is pure , relaxing , church , wedding gown.
Purple is unique mysterious , magic , voodoo , mardi gra , grapes
(What a huge waste of time. And really, "laughter of children"? "Voodoo"? Yeah, that's gonna help.)

You would never understand I am sorry for your disability.
(I really hope you aren't serious.)

it's an aethestic quality. It adds personality, identity, and uniqueness to everyday things. Along with texture and shape, it characterizes things.

I'm not sure if you can. Imagine if there is a color out there we have not yet experienced, how would it look? It's just something you can't put into words unfortunately.

It's like a depth
(No, it's really not.)

ohhh toughy...i really am htinking abut it, and i will get back to you on that one.
(Cool, just give me a call. I highly value your input.)

well if its green, and only certain colors they cant see, id say its like blue and yellow mixed together. if they are fully blind then there is no feasible way to do this.
(Why would I bother asking this if they could see some colors?)

It's like that thing you'll never see
(Highlight below to see the blind person's response to this:

You are a

J

A

C

K

A

LOPE

Come on, you didn't think I was really going to go there did you? And if you didn't get this, I'm sorry. I meant for it to go down a little differently.)

I would say "no ablo englaise" then make stomping noises so he would think I was walking away (but really I'd be standing there pretending to hump his leg).

By taste! Red is a chile pepper (hot and spicy), blue is ice (cool), green is basil (bright and verdant), yellow is lemon custard (bright with a zing), white is mint (like a cool breathe of winter)etc.

(Administrative Comment: I don't buy that using other descriptive type things to describe color would work. Do you really think it's going to go down like this?:

You: Oh, color? Yeah, it's sort of like taste or texture but not. It characterizes something.

Blind Guy: Wait, you mean 'blue' and 'green' and all that... those are adjectives? Oh wow, I hadn't figured that one out. I am no longer curious.

No it's not gonna work like that.)

Apr. 22: I was just going to try it once. They said learning to read would be cool. They were wrong.

You work at Palabra Rehab Facility where you treat people who have become hooked on phonics. This is a serious condition affecting 2.3% of children who grew up in the 90's. They are all now young adult word junkies. What is your main treatment for someone who suffers from this affliction?

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Yahoo! Answers:

Make them listen to Jessie Jackson speeches until their ears bleed.
(That's just cruel.)

laugh at them

Baseball bat.
(Eh, still not as painful as listening to Jessie Jackson.)

a rifle. it is the only kind thing to do... poor sobs... ;)

make them play sudoku for six hors a dae....thatl fixm
(I see what you were going for here, but I don't understand why you spelled 'sudoku' correctly.)

You burn their "Word-A-Day" calendars.

OMG I remember Hooked on Phonics! I also remember like Muzzy or something like that to teach you foreign language. Now I look back and shudder.
(OMG that isn't what I asked.)

Phonology treatment

baseball bat, too,,,,

Lets all just give a moment- and be thankful they were never effected by a much worse disorder of a similar variety, usually chronic- almost never curable.. and thats being hooked on ebonics!
(Fo' shizzle.)

Get them hooked on drugs.

Easy. Heroin.

kiddnap them, and then leave them stranded in Redneck country... that will suffice.

Your not funny, stop trying so hard.
(Don't worry, I'm not.)

Fail
*Source*: Lara Croft, heroine of heavy metal and paragon of progressive rock
(Source fail!)

(Administrative Comment: The only thing Lara Croft is paragon of is not getting shot by the Chinese. And if we've learned anything from Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (a movie not even worth Wal-Mart's $5 bin), it's that not being shot by the Chinese, regardless of how many of them there are and what kind of ammunition they have, really isn't all that difficult.)

Apr. 21: Never mess with the United States Postal Service.

You are in Alabama State Penetentiary for life after being convicted of mail fraud. Prison, you've discovered, is boring. You sit in your cell all day with your cell mate, a convicted murder who goes only by Spanky the Splicer, trying to find something to do. You've finally had enough and decide you need escape, but you'll need to be creative. All you have is a box of 100 toothpicks with the tips cut off, a four month old blueberry pie, and the play button from a VCR. How do you get out?

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Yahoo! Answers:

you couldnnt..
(Well that's an overly pessimistic response... I like it.)

find the first guard i can see take his weapon take his keys and shoot my way out. and ill make sure to pee on everyones face that i kill

Hide in a bin covered by the toothpicks and pie
They just throw me out nd then i can escape from the dump
Plus the blueberry pie shuld last me the trip so i wont starve
(Yeah, you have fun living off the four month old pie.)

well ill figure tht out when im there

First I'd get my cell mate Spanky the Splicer to splice together the toothpicks into a long wooden pole (I assume that is why he is called the Splicer). I'd stick the blueberry pie on the end and dangle it out of the cell just before lunch so the fat hungry guard can see and come running to eat it. As it is four months old, he will get immediate diarrhoea and as he is running to the bathroom, I'll use my toothpick pole to hook the keys from his belt and use them to free myself from my cell. I'll use the play button from the VCR to give to Spanky to 'play' with so he doesn't try to follow me. I'll creep out of the building and use my toothpicks to pole vault over the fence and get the hell out of there! How's that?
(Actually Spanky gave that name to himself because he enjoys alliteration. His real name is Cal Tulowitz and he killed people with clothes hangers.)

lol
(This is normally where I would call you a complete idiot. However, in a somewhat interesting twist of fate, I feel this would be doing you a great injustice, for...)

OPEN THE DOOR..... LOL JK IDK
(...this, this is an idiot. "LOL JK IDK"... This may be a little over the top, but I hope your keyboard came to life and broke your face.)

i distract the guard with play button use the tooth pick to poke my cell mate so he can give me his cell phone he does it I contact the aliens and they get me out (my brothers in the aliens force he used be in nasa he gets paid in ufos which he sells) and i shove the pie at the guards face so he cant do anything before taking it off which gives me more time
P.S if u ever want aliens to help you call them at 1800 668 6868

i don't want to escape...... where will i get free lodging and food in these times of recession....
(Don't forget the free cable and workout facilities.)

i would get the gaurd to me with the cake then i will put the pie in the back of the cell. ill let my cell mate knock him down when the gaurd comes in the cell(i asume my cell mate is strong)
i get the gun of the gaurd an shoot my cell mate (to not let him go with me i dont wanna endanger other people xD) then i have 6 bullets left
i pick up my pie that the gaurd wanted i will shoot the next gaurd ill see and pick up his gun than i have about 13 bullets i kill every person on my way outside and when im olmost outside i keep an gaurd(that i didn't shot yet) hostage then i let him open the gate go to my house and eat the delicous pie with the gaurd and use the toothpicks to clean my teath then ill kill the gaurd i kept hostage.
(Where did you get the cake?)

give the guards the pie giving them food poisoning and steal their keys them kill them with toothpicks after taking their guns. Then blast my way out of the mutha------ place
(Kill them with the toothpicks after taking their GUNS. That seems like an outrageously inneficient use of time.)

think about every single episode of Prison Break and think like Michael Scofield.

Time to call Macguver! I would skip the play button and the toothpicks, rip the pie in half, put the two halves together to make a hole and put that hole on a wall.
(That doesn't work as well when it's typed out.)

i would convince the cell mate to escape, and when he did, while the cops are looking for him i sneek out by stabing people's eyes out with toothpiks

eat the pie.

Kill Spanky by gouging out his eyes with the play button, rub the pie filling on your sides, and slide through the bars. Throw the toothpicks at the other prisoners.
(Please, you know Spanky was in 'Nam. He would rip out your small intestine and skip rope with it before you could get close enough to gouge out his eyes. As the young people these days say, Spanky is "one bad mutha".)

Apr. 20: The-Post-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named

So I'm doing that thing again where I use someone else's question. Is this question poaching? Yes. Do I care? Of course not.

Today's question posted by Tinkerbell eats Yahoo!:

Has something ever confused you so much you just gave up?

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Yahoo! Answers:

No.
(You sit upon a throne of lies.)

not gave up but its driven me to find out my solution to the confusion.. if that makes sense

Yes, But I can No longer give up because I'm going into the Marines
(You can't handle the truth!
I'm sorry, I felt it was necessary.)

yes all the time

yeah

definitely, i move on. :D

More than once.

almost every day of my freakin life..

lol... yep. school work.. but it gets done eventually
(If it gets done, you don't give up. That's called procrastination and it is a tool for the wise and the lazy.)

well i tried giving up but then it bugged me so much && confused me even more! until this day its confusing =]
(You should give up.)

Yeh like lots of questions on here
(I do not envy you if you are confused by Yahoo Answers questions. Life must suck for you.)

Yes like Life
i've lost my song
(Hey, wait, I think I found it. Is this yours? Oh, good. Wait a second, was that 'Womanizer'? You should be ashamed... *Look of disgust*)

yeah

Yep, life.
Also, humanity.
Why does humanity force people to accept everything and every walk of life... then turn around and make movies like Saw, that portrays a woman getting her ribs ripped out?
Then, as soon as I walk out of the theater I see a Gay parade.
I don't get it. I give up.
Am I supposed to accept all things, or love violence? Is the movie right, or the march right?
(Imagine if there was a gay pride parade in Saw. That would be mind bottling.)

yup yup yup

quite a few times...but it was someone!

No. Hahahahaha
(She then posted a link to her question, which is probably worth taking a look at:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgKtkeAONO6ix7Z4wbs6cwbsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090419213938AAXzSuo)

sure & I think everyone does that atleast once in their life.

I haven't given up no, But yeah my hubby sent me a room plan ( we are kinda remodeling ) to how he wants my sons room , and boy i have been like confused ever since.
(I don't understand why people assume that other people care about stuff like this.)

yes, when i was little i didn't know what gay was until i was 6
(I'll leave that one alone.)

That's why I never finish my homework =/

i'm thinking about it. because it's an endless circle of confusion and i'm about to step off at the next stop...

yea....Well if I am confused over something someone is telling me. I nod and say "uh hm", "yep," sure."
(Not a good idea. That's how you end up wearing a puffy shirt on national TV.)

Yeah All The Time Like At This Very Moment i just gave up on my science assignment which is due in 2 days

Yes like how do you walk, or move your fingers, I really got confused and almost forgot to keep walking, in school...

yea .............many times
but I try again later

Apr. 17: Because if it was you, you owe me some white paint.

Can you tell me who glued the truck to my cabinet?

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Yahoo! Answers:

ur moms

I did it as a practical joke.

It could have been Billy Bob Ben Barnes, but I am not for sure.
(Ol' Quadruple B has been pretty angry with me ever since I accidentally poisoned his goldfish.)

hahah what?
(The question is relatively simple. You act as if this never gets asked.)

Yes, it was that little neighbor boy named Sid. He's always been bad.
(No, he's been too traumatized to do crap like this ever since he messed with my army of toys. Big mistake.)

My bad

It's me...I didn't mean to..

The Cookie Monster did it. :)
(Actually, he seemed all right. It was Elmo that was giving me the stink eye. And I'm not sure what Burt and Ernie were doing over there, but I wanted no part of it.)

My dog did with the hot glue gun!
He's going crazy!
(You know what? I'm not even mad. That's amazing.)

The little old woman who lived in a shoe

i have 2 good guesses----> Little Johnny or Bob...
but i think Little Johnny did it
bc you know he have potty mouth and always in trouble.
(Yeah, LJ is a pretty likely culprit. I mean, if my first name was "Little" I'd be pretty bitter at life too.)

my little brother, got bored coz u were taking to long to play him!
(Why do I have to play with him? He's your brother.)

me.

ME...!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAH!!

It was MR. Nobody!
(I hate that guy.)

Is that where I left it?

you
(I'd like to think I'm not that stupid. I'd like to think that...)

Apr. 16: If only you'd bought that Prius, then this would never have happend.

While ice fishing in northern Canada, you are attacked by global warming. Right as you hook a bite, a carbon induced heat blast instantaneously melts the ice you're on, leaving you in freezing water. Global warming also, in that moment, killed your dog and changed you middle name to Francis, but you aren't concerned with that at the moment. In an unusual moment of good fortune you are rescued by two Eskimos riding a whale. Global warming had destroyed their igloos and stolen their supplies and women, so you join forces with them to get revenge on the climate changing jerk. What is your plan of action?

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Yahoo! Answers:

Lots of refrigerators (Nothing.. Global Warming is a myth.. perhaps I'll send Santa and the Easter Bunny after it?)
(I've met the Easter Bunny. You wouldn't know it from his rep, but he is one bad cottontail. He and Santa would kick global warming's emissions-induced posterior.)

Duh! Move to Central California, change your name back (unless it was dorkier than Francis before) and invite the Eskimos on your surfing vacation frenzification of fun!
(I don't know what 'frenzification' is, but it sounds awesome. Cowabunga!)

start an army with the eskimos on a mission to erase our carbon footprints

if we are so concerned with global warming(which is fake) why is the media not denouncing obamas plan to force our grandchildren into debt. At this rate my grandkids will be born in debt, in a poluted pond.
(What are you, a frog?)

Your plan of action is to wake up from this hideous dream and get back to reality!! The whole global warming thing gets changed to "climate change" when the weather turns cooler!! It happens every year, you fool!! It's not unnatural. Stop it!! By the way, my father's name (God rest his soul) was Francis; they called him Frank. And, he was the greatest man you ever wanted to meet!! So there,.
(I'm a little shocked that you actually see this as promoting the awareness of global warming. I felt that I laid on the sarcasm pretty thick.)

After a brief moment of ignorant reasoning, and because I'm tired of hearing Pukak tell his old college roommate how hot it is, I snatch the cellphone from his hand and make my call. In approximately 30 jiffies, Richard Branson shows up on his hovercoptercycle and whisks us away.
After a slight detour to battle Communism in 1962, the four of us soon find ourselves in Global Warming's Sinister Necropolis of Chlorofluorocarbons. The door shuts behind us.
To your WEST is a dark hallway, from which an alluring and blue smell drifts into your nostrils. To the EAST is a door marked "Kaylie's Room NO BOYS ALLOWED!". Straight ahead to the NORTH is an open doorway to a crappy 80s-themed party. >_

Pedal my way cross-ocean to Tokyo on my unicycle.

I would forget the revenge. I would open up a resort and have people come in and enjoy the warm weather. How often does a person get to sun bathe in Northern Canada?

you-you-idfk!!!
(What is this, some kind of chant?)

I would sit down next to you to see what you are smoking

Swim south to Acapulco. Threy say it's really quite nice down there.

Go kill the guy someone!!!
(Exactly.)

Apr. 15: Rejected Question Day 3 - Don't look so disappointed.

Yahoo's doing some scheduled maintenance this evening, so response is pretty low. As a result, you get the leftovers from the past few weeks. Don't worry, if you put them in the microwave, they'll be almost 75% as good as a normal question. 3 of them today. Enjoy!

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Question #1 (This was going to be a normal question until someone deleted the question along with the other half of the responses. *Obscene gesture in Yahoo's direction*)

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
Are we caught in a landslide with no escape from reality?
And why did you kill that man, put the gun against his head, pull the trigger? Now he's dead.

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Yahoo! Answers:

Because I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

i love queen! R.I.P.

Cause just Open your eyes look up to the sky and see. Im just a poor boy I need no sympathy.
(There are several more lines in Bohemian Rhapsody that would have made for far more appropriate answers...)

well i at least i didn't shoot the deputy
R.I.P Freddie you will forever be the best :)

because it's easy come, easy go, man.

GALALAO!!!!
(Epic spelling fail!)

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Question #2 (I would wear mine to church.)

How awesome would it be to have a Snuggie?

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Yahoo! Answers:

I would only want the one in sage green.
(Classy.)

awesome, but id be too ashamed to tell anyone

pretty gay

Almost as awesome as having a full bottle of roofies and the whole weekend ahead of me.
(If you don't know what this means, that's probably for the best. If you do, I sincerely hope you are as disgusted as I am.)

Wouldn't it be like just turning your robe around backwards?
(Sort of, but it can't replace a Snuggie. I mean, really, you're bathrobe backwards? That would look ridiculous. And you wouldn't want that, would you?)

I have one and I don't like it..............

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Question #3 (I thought this one had potential...)

You are sitting on a park bench weaving a cover for your new covered wagon when all of a sudden you are attacked by a vicious Mediterranean land shark. You win the ensuing struggle using only a wheel of cheese to defend yourself. This wins the land shark's respect and he decides to submit to you as your newest pet. What do feed your pet land shark, and what do you name him?

Also, if you'd care to describe how you defeated him with a wheel of cheese, please do so. I'll take notes.

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Yahoo! Answers:

I take him to the SNL set and let him eat people. And I name him Chevey Chase.
How did I defeat him with a wheel of Cheese?? I jammed it down his throat, and when he was choking on it I then proceded to save his life by preforming the heimlich manuever. He is now forever in my debt... for saving his life.

CHEVEY, is that you ? I've got a candy gram for you !

During the struggle with the land shark, I chewed the wheel of cheese into tiny bits and shot them through my nose into the sharks cerebral cortex. Because everyone knows that sharks have very sensitive cerebral cortexes. Anyway, in its fit of blind rage, It bit my left arm completely off.Being a biologist, and knowing how to deal with these sharks, I decided to gain his respect by slapping him silly with my newly severed arm. He drew back and receeded, not expecting me to do such a courageous deed. He enjoyed my intuitiveness at reacting so fast and wanted to serve under me as my pet. I then promptly named him Rico because that's what I first thought of. I found later he was partial to cherry cough syrup, which I fed him twice daily.
The End..................

Apr. 14: Don't pass Go.

You've just saved the president's children from a giant killer venus fly trap, and now you are due for a big reward. You were hoping the government would just take another billion in debt and give it to you (everybody else is getting a piece, why not you?), but no such luck. Instead, you receive what amounts to a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. You have one free pass where the law will look the other way. You decide you're going to do the world a friggin' service and, uh, eliminate someone who's bringing society down. Who is it and why?

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Yahoo! Answers:

destroy all video games on game controllers, I am a retired elem teacher and I think video games have RUINED our kids !!
(I'm playing three extra Guitar Hero songs later on just for you. Answer the question.)

any inconsiderate neighbors within my hearing range that play loud disruptive music.
BAM!!! They get it. I hope the perks come with a free reload? I want to nuke all of them! :-P
(If you can take them all out in one shot, you're clear. Otherwise, I'm afraid they have to give you the chair.)

There's this boy in my class. He destroys everyone mentally. To eliminate him from the earth, would be to close the whole in our precious ozone layer.

The Shamwow Guy. Teach him to beat the working class.

the leave britney alone dude

Either you for asking such a qustion, and making sum one decide where the real evil lies. Or my self for not one person could ever truly handle that much power

bin laden and i would film it and show it on tv

Brittney Spears-- Because she is a douche bag

osama bin laden
(Isn't Osama wanted dead or alive? I don't think this would count.)

Kanye west because he keeps trying to molest fish...
(...This is why I don't listen to rap.)

This is the question I have been waiting for!
I would eliminate Miley Cyrus. Ugh. That girl just disgusts me. I don't even feel like I need to explain myself. Miley Cyrus. Enough said.

That's easy George W. Bush. I dont care if he's not president anymore, i'll still take him down. He brought hell to the U.S. . He left all this crap for the next man(president), who just so happens to be a man of color (black man)(Obama)...lol.

Well if I told you, you'd know I was coming!
(*Paranoia*)

obama
sike..jk obama girl.shes so ------- annoying

My husband's brother's wife. She is a psycho path, and bi-polar.
(Of all the psychopaths you could eliminate you pick your husband's brother's wife. On behalf of society, I say "Thanks for nothing".)

Miley Cyrus

one person? wheres the fun in that i'm talkin about world freakin domination or bush he deserves to die

Osama Binladen or however you spell it...
the guy that caused the 9/11
but of course, if the government cant found him how the hell will I?
So if I can't find him....Demi Lovato.
(I would make some witty comment here but I have no idea who Demi Lovato is. I'm going to assume that's probably a good thing a move on.)

Apr. 13: Mmmmmmmmmmmm... pie...

What are your thoughts on pie?

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Yahoo! Answers:

It's absolutely wonderful.
(Screen name: Grave robbers have feelings too)

It depends on who's pie we're talking about

Its pie. Its warm. Its cold. Its soft. Its hard. Its gross. Its good. Its fun to throw. Is that what your looking for? If not, I am at a loss -_-
(Well, let's see. By treating this collection of sentences as if it were a fraction, the following occurs: warm cancels cold, soft cancels hard, gross cancels good. This leaves us with "its pie", "its fun to throw" and one stupid question. The stupid question cancels out the creativity of "its fun to throw". We are left with "its pie". So... you're an idiot. Sorry. It's indisputable math.)

its good. il love apple pie

LOL WELLLL....
I like pieee!

its good
(No need to elaborate.)

yummy! i absolutely love strawberry rhubarb!

It's come to my attention that pie has become a serious issue to our national security. Pie was behind the 9/11 plane hijackings, and it is currently planning to start another war between Japan and North Korea. Because of pie, one can only ask his or herself... What hath God wrought?

I love to eat it when it's fresh, warm & wet.
(Wet? No thanks. I like my pie non-soggy.)

L♥ve it, l♥ve it, l♥ve it.
(♥uch.)

I like chicken pot pies better than fruit filled pies :)

I dont really like pie.
(I'm sad to inform you that you are not human.)

it depends, are we talking pie as in food? or other pie...
(╥ fail!)

3.14159265358979323846…
Say it with numbers...
(Amen, brother. I'm even willing to assume you ignored the pie/pi distinction for the sake of humor.)

ya no not rally (gag) lol
(Good, I'm glad you don't like it. Pie is clearly too good for you.)

Apr. 10: Knock and the door shall be opened unto you.

My original plan for today was to cop out by saying something to the effect of "And the Lord said, thou shalt not ask stupid questions on Good Friday". However, I was presented with inspiration that just couldn't be passed up. God provides.

It's the dead of night when your doorbell rings. Considering the time, you give it about a 50/50 that you're about to be shot. You like those odds and answer it anyway. It's three people in pajamas (the kind with feet on them). These people begin singing to you. What is your reaction?

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Yahoo! Answers:

i'd dance.

yell get off my property or take pics of them and put them on the internet
(That's a good idea. It may have to happen.)

How has your night been?
(Let's see, I've watched a show featuring an angry chef where only about 75% if the dialogue is allowed to be aired, experienced a spoken word version of "Hay Ya", and was serenaded by some mid-April carolers. So, you know, about average.)

Depends. What are they singing?
(I hope it's an a capella version of "Enter Sandman"...)

To laugh so hard I pee my pants.

to shut the door and call the police anyways

Shoot them...Nite-time is NOT the time to disturb me. Coffee first, door later or all hijinx ensue.

Beat them with a stick or scare them.
(Fright or assault...? Tough choice.)

hahahaha. laugh my booty off and say 'hold on let me go get my footy pajamas!' and then run down and join them.

Haha! thats an intresting concept
i would probably Invite them over

Carolers! :D

Close the door. Simple.

Sounds like jet lagged carollers, haha I'd probably laugh and close the door, little pranksters

Close the door and walk back to bed

Laugh (probably uncontrollably) and wait for them to finish. When they're done, ask them to come by tomorrow--at a decent hour.

Listen to the song, smiling and clapping along, thank them for the entertainment, and go back to sleep.

Scream, slam the door in their faces and run into the bathroom screaming all the way. They were probably murderers anyhow :3
OR I would:
Stare blankly at them until they pull out a box of chocolates and ask me to buy them then I scream, slam the door in their faces and run into the bathroom screaming all the way.

I'd laugh a lot! I'd also pull out my cell from my pocket start recording the bedtime carolers and then thank them, shut and lock the door and go to bed laughing. =) Now I kinda want that to happen or do that to someone! LOL!

(Administrative Comment: I know three people who are quite fortunate that I don't share the opinions of some of those who answered.)

Apr. 9: This will have a name one of these days.

It's another slow night on Yahoo, so I'm borrowing another question. I felt that posting this one was necessary. If ever there was a stupid question...

Posted by ♪♥♀★әяaгчכּ★♀♥♫

What do u want each limb of your body to taste like? Mm k & by that i mean what would you have different parts of ur body taste like? Fer ex. "fingers, lips, neck, arms, toes, stomach, boobs [nipples], *private*, etc." Soo what would each limb of your "LiMBS" taste like?

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Yahoo! Answers:

U have a sick twisted mind lady

It all taste like chicken.............

candy

disgusting so no one will eat it
(Gold star for logic.)

Tree
(Silver star for originality.)

LoL jk erm idk chocolate? =P
(Ninja star to the face for using only one real word.)

mine taste like pork

Well, fingers taste like fingers, unless you are licking icing off of them and then they taste like icing.
(Actually, the fingers would still taste like fingers. It's the icing that tastes like icing. If you're going to be boring, think it through a little more next time.)

head- pho
body- eggrolls
limbs- fried rice
private-super special secret flavor

Apr. 8: A question whose answers are questions. Whoa.

What's the stupidest question you've seen asked on Yahoo Answers?

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Yahoo! Answers:

how do i ask a yahoo question

"Is Doctor Pepper a real doctor? i'm getting suspicious i don't think he's qualified to be a soft drink"
(I'm beginning to think he isn't. Completely botched my tonsil removal. Though I have to say, this prosthetic leg is pretty cool.)

Ryan's made me laugh.
Haha. I don't know, but there have been a bunch.

This wasnt on yahoo answers but whatever. (:
One day me and my twin sister were going grocery shopping together and A guy was obviously hitting on is. We were all laughing and joking around about the line "whats your sign" and then he asked me "whats your sign" I responded "libra" he then asked my twin sister, born on the same day as me "whats your sign" I had a good laugh.
(Not nearly funny enough to justify not answering the question.)

What are those things in the movie gremlins called?
lol umm gremlins?

Am I pretty? (pics included)

What are jonas bros e-mails

Is Edward Cullen hot?
(OK, I am proud to confess that I had no idea who Edward Cullen was until this answer came in. And I have to say... debating whether or not a fictional character is physically attractive: super lame.)

my first question it was about a very old movie, and no one answered so it got deleted. i guess my question was stupid so no one answered.

What's green and has wheels?
Grass... i was just kidding about the wheels!
yup, that's one of the stupidest questions... but that's what makes it funny =D
(Wow, I'm writing that one down. I'll use it at parties to impress the ladies with my advanced sense of humor.)

Found it on failblog...then answers:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ao7lQVSYCn0IMfM0aaDjTVsjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20090310154151AA0eK0h

What came first the chicken or the egg ? if you say the egg where did the egg come from and you say the chicken and you start thinking the chicken had the egg but the chicken came from an egg .

How do you post a question on Yahoo Answers?

i am pretty?

What smells better? Poop or Fart?
yeah, my mom said that the guy who asked that was stupid. i agree. and then i hate it when people ask 'Am i pretty?' 'Does my hair look better blonde or brunette?' stuff like that. it is stupid. :)
(Do you frequently browse through Yahoo Answers with your mother?)

yours?
(The question mark removed what little cleverness this response may have possessed.)

I saw one about a week ago saying I think im in love with my grandma. (not family love)

Haha there are some dinggers for sure. I think the ones where teeny bopper girls are all like....aM i prEttY? iM nOt seLF coNsCIouS or AnYThiNg I juST ReAlly waNT to KnOW....blah blah blah.......its hilarious!!

should i eat this cookie OF COURSE U SHOULD!

"Does this guy like me?" When it's obvious.
(Because it's OK when it isn't obvious.)

why am I here

This one :)

i'm bored?

what are you doing tonight is the question i have seen

when people ask: ''am i pretty''

Everything that has to do with how awesome Twilight is....I'm just so tired of them.

I saw "Spank me" (spanky spanky) was not deleted I couldn't believe it
(Hey, Yahoo, what about those 'community guidelines"? You're telling me I can't ask who everyone's favorite Ninja Turtle is, but this can slide through? I don't get it.)

"Am I pregnant?" I hate that question. I mean, how could anyone here possibly tell? And finding out is pretty easy--just a simple $10 highly accurate home test. I get especially irritated when people ask for the percentage chance that they are pregnant.
(This struck me as an unusually long rant to come from a guy.)

What is the difference between an orange.....(????)
(Seven pineapples and a barracuda.)

hmmm. "What does your laugh sound like?" or something like that.
NoNo... wait waitt... "what does LoL mean?"
THAT one ishh STUPID !

What would you do if someone peed on you?........it was just asked!

Why doesn't someone invent an adult blow-up doll that would double as a kiddy wading pool for people who can't afford both.

"How do I walk?"
---A few days ago in gym I said something very stupid. I saw two kids in the hall playing a game called pickleball [like indoor tennis, with no net] and I said:
"Wow, it's like ping-pong, except with paddles!" Haha.
Nobody caught it but me though.
(You say something incredibly stupid and no one notices, so you share with the whole world on the internet. Good move.)

What should I name my baby! Let strangers name your kid! How stupid is that!

Can I get pregnant from stuff in the tub if I touch it?
(This is both gross and excruciatingly moronic.)

What would you do if someone peed on you?
I'd push them and holler at them and rub their face in it. The pig!
(Does that mean you're rubbing their face on yourself?)

Do you find cameltoes attractive?............

Apr. 7: These pretzels are making me thirsty.

If you could only say one phrase for the rest of your life, what would it be? You would be allowed to rearrange it however you like, but the same words must be used in every sentence you speak for the rest of eternity.

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Yahoo! Answers:

Holy sassafras

the ABC
(That one's not going to get you very far.)

yep, that about covers it.

i would add this to everyones sentences "in your pants"
(Jack: I'm sorry, Tim, your parrot is dead.
You: In your pants.
*Tim beats you to death with a crowbar for disrespecting his bird*)

Okay maybe yes then no. =)

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
(Because you neglected to use spaces you can now only say one impossible to pronounce word. Have fun starving to death.)

it's cause I'm a G!!!
(Really, you strike me as more of a Q...)

If I can do it, I want to
I want to do it, if I can.
I can do it, if I want to.
If I want to, I can do it.
I want to, if I can do it.
I can, if I want to do it.
Can I do it? If I want to.
Do I want to? If I can.
Can I if I want to do it?
Do it? I can if I want to.
Can I? If I want to do it.
Just a play on words. Time spent. Oh well, I can do it if I want to.
(That was excessive.)

The quick brown fox just karate chopped the lazy old cat in the garage.
*I think it has all the letters of the alphabet in it.. thats why. :D
(Too bad I said you could rearrange the words and not the letters.)

The Chicken Ate My Twinkie

"These are the only words I can say, seriously; don't just stand there, call a doctor!"

Yes.

my pancreas!

yes

Yo Momma!

whatever.

penguins

it's all what you make it

Go to hell, go to hell..................
(Don't think that one's going to go over well at the Second Coming.)

Yes. like yes man. never saw the film but i imagine it would force me to try lots of new things.
(This just seems like a really bad idea.)

Roundhouse Kick.

can i have some food

"That's what she said" (:
(No.)

In bed :)

Cool!

I don't necessarily know anything about the things I express an opinion on.

anything you can do i can do better , i can do everything better then you!!!

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
You did say for the rest of eternity:)

You're such an ignoranus! You're stupid and an ---hole. =P
(Such clever approaches to profanity the kids are using nowadays.)

oooo bby! (;

THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Again, no.)

i like to eat celery.

"thats what she said"
could also be "she said what"
(And once more, no.)

That's what he said in the bed sexually :)

i love you ♥

"Losing My Mind, Gaining My Soul"

Yes I would like some of that

I never meant to feed your dog my heroin.

"So what if I did?"

to be or not to be

f you fat mutha----!-tupac just said it idk lol
(Your one phrase is going to be an offensive one used by a guy who was shot and killed... This, children, will lead to an example of what scientists call "natural selection".)

Oh Please!

aren't they nice?

"Everything Happens for a Reason"

Jesus Jumped Up Christ In A Chariot-Driven Sidecar.

this is terrible

Well, I'll be damned!

=im workin on it=

either, "Everything happens for a reason"
or "Good things are worth waiting for"

"Can you repeat that" would be mine. That way I could annoy the hell out of people!!!! ^^ But then again, I could ALSO learn sign language!!! That way those who really wanted to 'hear" me speak, would learn it as well.

Shove it up your nose

to keep asking "well why?" then it would get the person so agry when they have to keep explaining themselfes!!!!! try it with a friend! its quite fun!!!!

(Administrative Notice:

Dear Yahoo! Answers,

As you have no doubt noticed by now, your little "suspension" of my profile did not silence me for long. In fact, it has led to one of the largest responses I have ever received. I have little doubt that you will try again, and maybe even go as far as eliminating one of my profiles. But guess what. You may eliminate that one, but another will follow. And another. And still another. And they will keep coming until you realize that your efforts are useless in the face of my persistence. Or until a super intelligent breed of pigeons takes control of the internet. Whichever comes first. But you... you will never keep me down! To quote the great philosophers of Chumbawumba: "I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down." Yeah, that's right. So you should just give up now. Just take your little "community guidelines" and shove 'em. I will never conform! After all, in the loosely interpreted words of Ghost Rider, "You can take my soul, but you will never take my spirit!" How does this seemingly irrelevant phrase apply? It doesn't, but it's defiant and epic. So there.)

(Administrative Comment: Never watch Ghost Rider. It is a terrible, terrible movie.)

Apr. 6: So here's what happened...

Apparently Yahoo! Answers has grown tired of my shenanigans, so they've suspended my primary account, making it extremely difficult to post a question today. They tell me that I've violated the community guidelines. Is this outrageous accusation true? Well...yes. Actually I have not only disobeyed the guidelines over the past couple of months, I've pretty much completely ignored them. However, fear not o faithful reader! I am currently in the process of developing a stronger system which will make it easier for me to stick it to the man on a daily basis. So, if you'll come back tomorrow, I should be up and running again with a new question.

Apr. 3: If you've got to do it you might as well do it in style.

If you were to gouge your eyes out in the most epic fashion possible, how would you do it?

For example: I would use a live flamingo. And not a struggling flamingo, either. I would use no physical action, just pure manliness to exercise my dominion over the flamingo and force it into submission, use it to gouge the eyes, and then let it go on its way.

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Yahoo! Answers:

that's my greatest fear, i'm not even gonna go there
(You're greatest fear is that you will epically gouge out your own eyes? That one's pretty low on my list...)

i would use a vacuum duct-taped to somebodies uvula.

with chop stick!!

I would use the claw of a man-eating scorpion.

I'd use a porcupine

I would use a live tiger =D and daisys

With a fork?

I wouldn't, that's sick

i would use a tucan
to each his own......

I'd use a spork. :] Agggghhhh!! The agonyy! Oh, there's a piece of salad still on here but anyway, Arrrahhhhghhh!

Samurai swords
(Just make sure you can go through with it...
http://onecuriousyahoo.blogspot.com/2009/03/mar-2-there-has-to-be-more-efficient.html )

My fingers. I had a dream that I gouged out my right eye with my fingers once. And when I went to put it back in, I poked a whole in it and dark blood ran down my cheek. I was more scared of what my mom would say then my loss of sight. It was a pretty awesome dream.
(Hey, that's great no one cares.)

I would probably use my own fingers.. LOL.

do what?

i would use a snake
yes of course the fake oness!!

hmmm.... I'd [omitted], freeze it, then poke my eyes out...lol...
(I was originally going to leave this one out, but I thought I'd include this part and leave the rest to your imagination.)

I'd set up a rip-cord accross the Grand Canyon and stick a hook in one eye and slide down it to the other side where a long pike would be waiting just perfectly for my other eye to slide onto it.
(I think we have a winner.)

i would use a fishing hook!

I'm glad you asked...
For years I've wanted to gouge my eyes out with the main antenna on the Voyager 1 space probe.
I have to admit though, it's been a long hard road trying to figure out how to catch up to it so that I can fulfill my wish.
Yeah, I know, Voyager 2 is closer to us.
But what are you gonna' do?

i would have to go wit a banana, or maybe a crucifix... lol, dont do it! : D
(And if thy right eye offend thee...)

i heard spoons are the way to go. i hope i helped! ...if you want us to give an opinion on ur problem, its easier if we know whats wrong :)
(What makes you think there's something wrong?)

firecracker under the eyelids would be sweet as long as a camera is running. Otherwise I'd use a corkscrew like the ones you open a bottle of wine with.

i would use forks?! lol

a silver spoon lolz

creepy

A rusty spoon.

fingernails

The top of the Eiffel Tower.

After seeing Rosie O'Donnell sans clothing, I believe I would place my face in the cage of a live, hungry, and angry wolverine.
(*involuntary shudder*)

Yuck.. OK I'll use a fork?

gross

i hope this never happens but i would let a bear do that for me.

I would use a random stranger's middle finger.

ummm....i'd sharpen a pencil really sharp, then skydive into it! :D

lol, reading Oedipus? I would probably.... um.... squirt ketchup on my eyes!!!

(If I were doing this for the same reason Oedipus did, I would probably have to do way more than gouge out my eyes. And I think you need to recheck the definition of 'gouge'.)

I Would sneeze without closing my eyes so my eyes would pop outtta my head that way i can sotta see what i am doing then i would cut of the tendons and put the remains in someones soup/sandwich yummmm

What are you...high?

Either a pitchfork or a sheaf...

Apr. 2: You know what? I'm gonna let somebody else take this one.

Activity was down pretty significantly on Yahoo Answers today and I'm really freakin' tired and want to go to bed, so I'm going to continue with the second part of this yet to be titled deal where I use someone else's question. It's nice, I don't have to think. So in a way I guess you could say I get to see what its like to be one of the people answering the quesiton.

Today's question was posted by Horney Porcupine --Back up 2 (and I'm going to try to replicate this so it appears exactly as it did on Yahoo):

WHat is the CRAZIEST thing you've done While DRIVNIG??

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Yahoo! Answers:

I drove 150 on a school zone and took off my bra.... (last day of school)
and put the music loud.... my teachers were shocked their faces were priceless lmao!
with my friends singing out loud to some song. haha
idk what got into me lol
(Too bad there wasn't a cop. That would have been quite a ticket.)

Ghost Ride the car

Shooting a paintball gun last Halloween! my friends hit allot of little kids I got parents lol and I covered my licenses plates so I couldn't get caught lol! it was so much fun!
(When I hear stories like this, there's a little part of me that wishes karma was real.)

ok sounds odd but it worked.. i was in the driver seat.. boyfriend was in the passenger seat.. i pressed the pedals.. he steered the car anddddd
(Had to cut the end of this one off to keep a PG-13 rating.)

I drifted around my school. Pretty hilarious.

Ate chicken nuggets...
I haven't had my liscence for very long, so excuse me if I haven't had time to get crazy yet.

threw a sandwich at a car and it exploded lol (perfect entry an dthen BOOM!!!! lol )
(Hopefully not at Jack Black. Poor Baxter...)

i just got my car so the craziest thing was drinking coffee while driving lol

LMAO accidently hit the door and shut while ghost ridin and LOCKED so i had to hop int he sun roof fast as a mo fo....lol it sucked then but nots it funny
(Just out of curiosity, how fast is a mo fo?)

I'm usually a very safe driver, only crazy things I've done on the roads is max out the speedometer, and thats usually late at night on empty roads
off road is a whole other story

pissed in the bottle... couldn't stop on the free way and it's way darn late.. some kind of an emergency, huh..