Apr. 28: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... PIG! SOOIE!

I'm afraid I'm going to get the swine flu and turn into a pig. Please comfort me.

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Yahoo! Answers:

Well, they slaughter pigs for food. So at least you'll die for a good cause.

Don't think that is possible, you don't have the genes for it.
(I'll have you know my genes can take on any challenge you throw at them thank you very much.)

oink oink

me too
try wearing a porkchop
around your neck...
hear it keeps
the swine flu away ..

OH NO!!!... http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/art/PigArt.jpg

It's a common condition. The group of people hit most severely with swine flu commonly refer to themselves as the "police force". Symptoms include being a complete asshole and violating civilian rights.
(Because Yahoo Answers is such a great place for assigning various unfounded stereotypes and biases to people based solely on their input, I'm going to say that you hate cops because you've been arrested 5...no, 7 times for... let's see... I'll go with... public indecency.
Freak.)

dude, you'd be the smartest pig ever. people would travel far and wide to see you do math and play piano and stuff.
and i swear, if i get arachnophobia and turn into a spider, i'll totally be your agent. i'd spin webs that say stuff like "pimp swine" and "pumba" and you'd be loved and remembered forever.
(That's sounds awesome. Who knows how many people will pay to come watch Pimp Swine do some calculus. We'll fill entire arenas!)

feel my hugs for you!!!!
(Hey! No means no.)

I've heard that's happened to a few people. but don't worry there are less severe side effects to worry about. nausea, heart burn, indigestion, upset stomach, and even diarrhea. However there's no need for fear, Pepto-Bismols here!
(I hope I can still do that cool little dance when I turn into a pig. It'll be my closing act for the people who come to see my math.)

Ah well, be a pig enjoy yourself in the mud like a pig hippy.

oinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

chill out that only happends if you [censored]
(Use your imagination.)

I have no idea why you'd call it swine flu when everyone knows that pig's can't fly!!!
(That... was... awesome.)

There, there. In your case it'd be an improvement. We'll build you a pen and then you can turn into nature's most perfect miracle food - bacon!
(To quote Homer Simpson: "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Bacon... *drooling noise*")

Pigs can lead very rewarding and wonderful lives. Just don't get trapped on an island with the Lord of the Flies boys. That might not be so much fun.
In a related vein: http://xkcd.com/574/
(If you haven't seen that XKCD you should definitely check it out.)

Aw, no way! Then go listen to Pink Floyd's Animals album! =D
(For those of you who don't listen to crappy music or progressive rock [kind of the same thing in my opinion], Pink Floyd's Animals album was loosely based on the book Animal Farm. If you don't know what Animal Farm is, look it up. I'm not explaining it to you.)

sueeeeee pig pig piggy

don't worry, you won't turn into a pig! the worst symptom is dying, silly.
(Whew. That's a relief.)

you not going to become a pig
(And you not going to college.)

i've already turned into a pig from this thing. it's kinda hard to type with these hooves and I think my neighbors are hungry for bacon

really? first of all turning into a pig, well i hope you were kidding. and only 40 people have it in the states, we have the top medical people researching this but they say there is a vaccine and keep washing your hands is the best policy right now!
(Yes. I really think I'm going to turn into a pig. Just like I really shoved an animal down the toilet and exploded from using nasal spray. And if you don't understand those references, shame on you for not reading my older questions. Go do it. Now. No, don't finish this one. Go.)

pigs are handsome. ;-)
(Are you coming on to me? Cause I don't fly that way chief.)

I don't want to cuddle you if you have already morphed.
(See previous comment. It's a shame neither one of these were females. It's OK, though. My Yahoo alter ego is secure in his masculinity.)

Sorry too late.

(Administrative Comment: If you understand why this question has that particular title, I would like to congratulate you. You are officially my favorite person ever.)