June 8: I hope he's insured.

Two weeks ago you lost an eye in a needlepoint accident. The doctors told you not to drive, but in this case you have to, as it is an emergency (you're out of Wheat Thins). Because your depth perception is totally whacked, you rear end the guy in front of you (this is after weaving in and out of a few motorcycles). Crap. It's the President, and you just broke through his his security perimeter and hit his limo. Secret service is on you and in an instant your nose is being buried in asphalt. You think they'll believe your story?

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Yahoo! Answers:

Totes, so long as they don't find all the bodies I keep in the trunk.
(I will admit that this answer has traces of creativity, but that all goes out the window because I have no idea what 'totes' means.)

no

no
but I'd run like heck if SS was after me...
(Nazis are way worse than federal agents. Unless that federal agent happens to be Jack Bauer... I'm sorry. I'm on a mission to make Jack's appearances here equal those of Chuck Norris.)

what story, you're already DEAD. the secret service would take you out before you could exit the vehicle!

as long as i told them it was all for wheat thins then ya, they would believe me

No. They won't believe me. And if they do, they'll just think I'm boring. BLAH!

probly not. unless the persident went to the doctors with you. or if the doctor went to court.
(Wow. Way to suck the fun out of that question.)

I am reading your story,so it's your story(not mine) and they are not going to believe it!!!!!!!!!!!
(Wait. You're saying that I'm telling a story about you having a needle point accident and taking a beatdown from Secret Service? And if I'm telling it, who's my audience? It's obviously not Secret Service. And since it isn't, why don't they believe me? Something has to give.)

That must've been some kind of needlepoint accident! lol
(You have no idea.)

omg!nooo!!!!!

Oh yeah, sure.
Stranger things have happened

Well I'd remind myself I was high and then it all would go away.
(Screen Name: Hello, my name is Hippie)

I think that you shouldn't murder Mr. President (unless it's former prez w. bush) nor do i think you should get wheat thins, get triscuits instead they're better. by the way the needle point accident... did you just feel like stabbing your eye with a needle or did you trip on a lady bug and bash your eye on a needle that was pointing upward with the pointy part. OR was someone doing some voodoo thing on you? ah, those voodoo things are horrible! one second your fine, and then the next you know your eye is exploded into a million pieces!
(Actually, it was the darndest thing. I was sitting there doing my needlepoint, when all of a sudden an 8 fingered German bust through the window of my house, shouting curses at me in Japanese while simultaneously juggling 5 flaming torches. Immediately after he landed he was back out the window. It was a little startling. I involuntarily jerked and needle met cornea. More on this answer in the administrative comment.)

Haha, doubt it. If that were to really happen it would definitely be on the news.

that's a serious case of bad luck
no they will not believe your story...unless...you show em the EYE!!!

is this a story from a comic or somethin?
(Nope, from my noggin.)

Dude, I feel your pain. When I run out of Wheat Thins, it is a SERIOUS emergency....besides coffee, those crackers are my only nutrition...and if I can get to my ankle-holster before they do...it won't really matter what they believe, now, will it?
Must have Wheat Thins...chanting now...must have...

That's quite a situation you've got there. Anyway, you'll have to accept the fact that you drove when you were told not to and take whatever secret service had to shove up your derrière. They'll probably believe your story because you DID lose an eye...but you still hit the President. And if the President isn't a good person who will keep his goons off of you, you're bound to get hurt.

(Administrative Comment: I need to attend to something regarding the answer indicated above. I will go ahead and say that I'm not a huge fan of Wheat Thins. They're just alright as far as crackers go. But to say that they aren't as good as Triscuits... that's just crazy. Triscuits are nasty. They have the taste and texture of something that would go in a horse's feed bag.)