July 10: The best part about this question is that it wasn't possible for me to offend anyone.

You have been abducted by a gaggle of Amish people. Why? I think only you know that. Whatever you did it must have been bad, because you now find yourself wrapped completely in duct tape and suspended from a barn ceiling by your toes with nothing below you but hay and cow manure. And one cow. How do you escape this fiendish Amish trap?

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Yahoo! Answers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrowbOGZJwg
(This really isn't relevant as far as answering the question, but if you haven't seen this you should definitely check it out.)

Amish... duct tape... you must be dreaming... wake up and it'll all be over.

turn a flashlight on they scatter light cockroaches

let your toes rip off then fall into the manure then wiggle and eat your way out
(Eat your way out? That's disgusting.)

I would just relax.. Hey there Amish not Mujahideen........

Run faster than a horse-drawn carriage.
(That's going to be difficult as a duct tape mummy.)

Walk away.
The duck tape flew away. (Amish people don't use duct tape.)
(You should know by now that I like a bad joke as much as the next guy... But this is below even my level of tolerance.)

By exiting out of this site?
Moo.



(I'm sorry. For whatever reason, I felt that I had to do that.)

why? are you in it cause that would be kinda awesome.
i would teleport myself to the outside of the barn, (because i have super powers and you don't)
(I actually am. I didn't have a flashlight like the other guy suggested so I figured I'd give the laptop a shot. It's not working. And I'm starting to get a little light headed.)

Pretend to be possessed to scare them away.
Wriggle around to become sweaty and to loosen the duct-tape to eventually free yourself, fall into the hay, and run away.

Well, I Amish people dont have duct tape, so I cant answer that
(Actually, you could have, you just chose not to.)

(Administrative Comment: I'm certainly no expert on the Amish, so I don't know if they can use duct tape or not. But if they can't, what a sad life they lead...)

(Important Administrative Comment: I've had a slight change of heart. Instead of Monday, Wednesday, Friday, posts will appear Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday until normal format is resumed. But not this Saturday.)